Emotional Changes During Pregnancy

It's not only your body that alters during pregnancy; your emotions will change rapidly, too, and you'll experience feelings you've never had before, It'll help if you accept that you will feel upset from time to time-all pregnant women do-and that there are things you can do to help you cope with your mood swings.

Changes in your hormone levels cause your moods to make sudden swings from elation to depression. Your changing body shape can disturb your self-image. And we all occasionally feel anxious about how good we're going to be as parents. Emotionally, pregnancy can be very difficult.

Hormonal Changes

There are enormous changes in your body during pregnancy, and because of this, your mood is likely to change often. You might find yourself being hypercritical and irritable, you might have exaggerated reactions to minor events, you may feel unsure of yourself and panicky sometimes, and you may have bouts of depression and crying.

It's normal to go through all of these things because you're less in control of your feelings than usual. The swinging levels of hormones have taken over and are controlling your moods the way a conductor controls an orchestra. So don't feel guilty or ashamed if you show your irritation, anger, or frustration. If you explain what's happening, most people will understand. At work, you may have to struggle to keep up an appearance of calm. This effort will definitely payoff, especially if you plan to go back to your job after the birth of your baby.

Changing Body Shape

Normally, you have a while to get used to a change in the way you look, such as losing or gaining weight or growing your hair. But when you're pregnant, you don't have time to adjust to your changing shape, and you may feel strange, even unrelated to the body in which you find yourself. You might worry that you're putting on too much weight and that you'll look fat and unattractive during or after pregnancy.

Thinking of pregnant women as fat, and therefore ugly, is essentially an Anglo-Saxon attitude: many other cultures see pregnant women as sensuous and beautiful. Don't look at your increasing curves with despair; think of them as a reaffirmation of life. See your roundness as ripeness as ripeness, and glory in your body's fertility. Feel confident and proud of you shape.

Conflicting Feelings

However positive you are about your pregnancy, it's normal to have conflicting feelings sometimes. One moment you're thrilled at the prospect of your new baby, the next you're feeling terrified of your new responsibilities. Becoming a parent is a time of reassessment and change, of worries and fears.

The first and most important thing you have to do is to accept your pregnancy. This may sound obvious, but there are some women who blithely sail through the early months of pregnancy giving it as little thought as possible, which is especially easy until the baby begins to show.

You and the baby's father have to come to terms with the pregnancy and begin to think about the reality. Until now, your thoughts about a baby and parenthood may always have been in soft focus, a pastel picture of a loving threesome.

Conflicting feelings are sure to surface once you begin to accept the realities to come. Don't worry-it's good to have conflicting feelings. It's normal to feel this way, so don't feel bad about it. It means that you're genuinely coming to terms with the situation. You won't have the shock that some people get because they wait to face all this when they bring their baby home.

Fears

Perhaps you worry about labor-whether you'll be able to cope with the pain, whether you'll scream, lose control of your bowels, or need an episiotomy or an emergency cesarean. Most of us do get anxious about these things, but there's no need. Labor is usually straightforward, and it doesn't really matter how you behave. You may be surprised at how calm you are, or you may not be calm at all, and both are okay. Just remember that your birth attendants have seen it all before, so there's nothing for you to feel embarrassed about.

You may worry about how good a parent you'll be, wnether you'll hurt or harm your baby, or not care for her properly. These are normal feelings and represent very reasonable fears. Many people don't know much about baby care and worry about doing a good Job. The answer is to get some hands-on experience-handle and care for a newborn baby if you can. Perhaps you could babysit for a friend's baby, or spend some time with her. If you change and cuddle someone else's baby, it'll give you some confidence. Try to get your fears into perspective-you probably had similar worries about starting a job.

Dreams

You may find that your dreams become more frequent, and even fnghtening, in the last trimester. Many pregnant women report common themes, and all express deep feelings and concerns that are entirely natural-everybody worries at one time or another that something will be wrong or go wrong with their baby. You may have dreams about losing your baby; and this is usually an expression of fear about miscarrying, or having a stillborn baby. Dreams like these may be the brain's way of preparing for an unwanted outcome and also help to bring these feelings to the surface. Dreams can act as a release for your anxieties.

Dreams, nightmares, and thoughts in general may also be a way of expressing hostility to your unborn child-she's going to overtake your life, disrupting your privacy and comfortable routine. They may express feelings you may not be able to cope with or even be consciously aware of. Again, don't make the mistake of taking dreams literally and then feeling guilty or afraid.

Superstitions

You may find you're more superstitious than usual. In the past, superstition and old wives' tales were ways of explaining an inexplicable world. But with the excellent medical care available today, your chances of having a damaged child are very low. Something you see as a bad omen certainly doesn't mean that anything will go wrong with your baby.

Coping With Emotinal Changes

If you can, look on the emotional turmoil you're going through as a positive force as you adjust to being pregnant and becoming a mother. Don't imagine that having second thoughts or fears means you've made a mistake. You're just tossing this around in your head the way one wrestles with any big life decision. Yet social conditioning can make us feel guilty if we don't walk around with a madonna-like expression and saintly attitude to everything. That's absurd. Being pregnant isn't all fun. Accepting the reality is the best thing you can do for yourself and your child.

Spend time daydreaming Imagining and thinking about your baby helps you to build your relationship with her even before she's born, so don't feel silly if you find yourself spending a couple of hours doing nothing but thinking about your baby. Making that connection with the tiny person growing inside you is the first step in accepting your child.

Many mothers find they have an undisguised preference for a girl or a boy in their daydreams. Although it isn't usually a problem if your newborn turns out to be the opposite sex from the one you wanted, it can mean have to readjust, so try not to get too carried away with your plans!

Consider your parents Your parents are about to become grandparents, perhaps for the first time. They may be delighted, they may be upset, or they may feel a combination of both reactions. In other words, they might be feeling as confused about their new role as you are about yours. Some people see becoming grandparents as meaning that they're getting old, and this can be unsettling for someone who perhaps feels only just middle-aged. Try to be understanding and loving with your parents. Include them in your pregnancy, talk to them about what's happening, and share your feelings with them.

Confront your isolation A pregnant woman can feel isolated. Many women postpone having children, and some decide against it altogether. You may find that you're the first in your social circle to start a family, and that you don't know any other pregnant women or full-fledged mothers. It can be lonely. There's so much that you want to know and talk about. You may have little niggles and worries that you feel are too irrelevant or silly to talk about at your prenatal clinic, and you may wish you knew someone who was going through the same thing or who already had a child. If you feel like this, find someone you can talk to-join parent groups, make friends with other pregnant women in your childbirth classes, and ask your friends or family if they know any pregnant women, or parents with young children, whom you could get to know. You may find these relationships go on long after your baby is born. And don't forget your partner-if you're feeling isolated, he probably is, too, so talk to him, include him, and expand your social circle together.

Communicate Wanting to talk through and share what you're feeling and thinking during your pregnancy is natural. Your partner is an obvious first choice, and he'll probably be anxious to talk to you. There are bound to be things that he'd like to talk about: worries, things that he may have not wanted to discuss with you because he thought that he might upset you, or you might think it was silly, or because you were too busy, or too tired. Keep talking. You need each other more now than ever before. Denying or ignoring your fears and feelings won't make them go away. Suppressed feelings have a very nasty way of festering and then surfacing when you're least able to deal with them, turning into full-blown problems. If you bring these problems out in the open when they first come up, you'll be able to deal with them and get on with your lives.

Coping With Material Changes

Everyday difficulties that you'd normally deal with quite calmly can turn into dramas during pregnancy. Keep a level head, and try not to overreact if you can help it.

Finances Financial problems are always one of the main causes of problems between a couple, and they can become especially troubling during pregnancy. You may find it difficult to cope with a reduction in income, even if you plan to return to work, but remember that you're in this together. Work out before the birth how you'll manage on your income once your baby has arrived.

Housing Moving or expanding your home may be something that you have to think about-perhaps you need extra space, or there may be a lack of facilities in your area. All this can be stressful, and tends to be worse when you're pregnant. If you must move-and it's not really the best idea from a physical point of view-do it before your pregnancy is too advanced.