Partner’s Role in Labor
The more secure and relaxed a mother feels during labor; the better she’ll be able to cope with pain. Her partner is the natural person to give this loving support, since he’ll have been closely involved in the pregnancy, and eager to share his child’s birth. Otherwise, ask a friend who’s had children herself to be your birth coach. Most hospitals welcome fathers, friends, or relatives to support the mother.
UNDERSTANDING YOUR ROLE
It’s normal to feel nervous about being a birth partner, so the best thing to do is prepare yourself. Find out as much as you can so you’re able to help the mother meet the physical and emotional demands of labor. At prenatal classes there’ll be demonstrations to describe labor’s onset and the effect of contractions, and you’ll be taught techniques to help her relax.
Visit the birthing center or the hospital’s labor and delivery rooms and introduce yourself to the staff. Make sure you know the route to the hospital in case of an emergency, and find out all you’ll need to do; trust will create a calmer atmosphere.
HOW TO HELP DURING LABOR
You may have a very active role throughout the labor and birth, but sometimes your presence is all the mother needs. Make sure you’re very familiar with her birth plan and the alternative version and that you know all her wishes.
Use your intuition Judge the situation by observing your partner’s moods. She may want to stay quiet, going through contractions alone without being touched. Or she may needs lots of encouragement or distractions.
Provide emotional support Remain as close and intimate as you can, using loving words, and keep your movements slow, quiet, and steady. Be positive: praise her and don’t criticize. If she wants to hear your voice, constantly tell her how well she’s doing (how far dilated) and how she can relax herself. Tell her what the midwife is doing and what will soon happen. Also, help her to see how much she’s achieved already-it’s easy for her to be overwhelmed by how far she thinks she has to go. Massage and stroke her slowly, but if she just wants to hold your hand, you can encourage her by the expression on your face and lots of eye contact. Sometimes just the look of love in her partner’s eyes can help a woman bear the pain of contractions.
Combat tiredness Before labor, encourage her to rest as much as possible, particularly if she seems to want to rush around cleaning during the nesting period. If her labor is long and tiring, try to help her relax between contractions and save her energy for the second stage. If she’s not feeling nauseous, provide her with any drinks or nourishment she wants.
Help her cope with pain It’s hard to see someone you care about in pain, but try not to show your anxiety-it could make her feel more worried. On the other hand, don’t dismiss her suffering. Acknowledge it positively, telling her each contraction is bringing your baby’s birth closer, and make different suggestions for relief. Help her not to be embarrassed about saying what hurtsencourage her to be as uninhibited as possible. A woman in labor should never be ashamed of needing pain relief.
If she feels particularly anxious during a contraction, it might calm her fears to talk about how she felt before the next one starts. Don’t take it personally if she’s critical or aggressive toward you-this often happens when the pain is very intense.
Help with breathing You’ll probably have practiced your partner’s preferred method in prenatal classes, but let her follow her own rhythm. If she seems to lose control, stay nearby and slowly guide her through the pattern until she’s able to continue on her own. Be ready to adapt-very few people follow exactly what they practiced at prenatal classes.
Make her comfortable You can be a great help here. Suggest different positions and support her with pillows or blankets, or let her lean against you while you cuddle, and rock together. Look for signs of tension in her neck, shoulders, or forehead, and gently stroke these areas. Massage may give some relief from pain. If she’s using visualization techniques, gently talk her through them. She’ll probably find having her face and hands wiped very soothing, or you can offer her ice cubes to suck. If she feels cold, help her put on socks or leg warmers. As labor progresses, she may want to talk less, but you can keep in touch by touching or caressing, or by using eye contact.
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