Fathers At the Birth

When the due date is near; make sure your partner can always get in touch with you easily. If you have a cell phone, keep it switched on. Your support during the labor and birth will be a huge comfort to your partner; and you have a practical role, too. Trust your intuition and judgment as to what’s needed and ask for feedback.

DURING LABOR

Your partner will need you with her once labor starts. You may feel that the medical staff have everything under control and there’s not a lot you can do, but there is, and it’s important for you to be there and to be loving and intimate with your partner. However you’re feeling yourself, try to be slow and gentle, quiet and reassuring. Don’t try to do too much and get in the way of the medical staff or become an irritation to your partner; always give her space when she wants it. Be positive and don’t criticize her; she needs plenty of praise, encouragement, and sympathy to keep her going.

Practical help There are lots of things you can do to help your partner cope with the discomfort and the pain of giving birth. Offer practical help such getting her a warm hot-water bottle if she’s got a backache, refreshing her with sprays of water or a cool washcloth if she’s too hot, and giving her sips of water if her mouth is dry. If she wants to go without pain relief, encourage her while it seems reasonable, but if she asks for it, don’t try to talk her out of it. She’s the one who’s in pain. You’ll certainly have talked about it beforehand as part of your planning, and she may at that time have been quite adamant that she didn’t want pain relief. But if she changes her mind in labor, don’t argue with her; nobody can possibly know how they’re going to feel when giving birth until it actually happens.

Seeking explanations Talk to the doctor or midwife if you don’t understand what’s happening, or if you’re worried. They’re there to help both of you, and they are professionals who have your partner’s and your baby’s best interests at heart. At the same time, don’t let the hospital staff and their machines become the focus of your attention. Your job is to support your partner.

Your partner’s moods Keep your sense of humor; if your partner shouts-or swears-at you, or seems to get angry or overwrought, take it in stride. It’s her way of coping with a very stressful situation and quite often happens, particularly at the transition phase of the first stage of labor. Treat it as a positive step toward the birth-it’s a sign that the second stage of labor isn’t far off.

MEETING YOUR BABY

This is the moment you’ve waited nine months for, the moment, when you can take your baby in your arms together for the first time. Everything you’ve just gone through will feel worthwhile. Your doctor will probably lay the baby on your partner’s tummy or give him to one of you to hold while the cord is clamped and cut; take your shirt off so your baby can feel and smell your skin. Hold him close to your face and let him look up into yours. Share this moment and savor it; this is a meeting that will change both your lives forever. It’s also the moment when you claim your new status as parents. You’ll never forget this experience. It’s so emotional that you’ll probably both find yourselves weeping with joy and relief.

AFTER THE BIRTH

After the birth, you may feel as emotionally exhausted as your partner, but don’t forget how physically exhausting labor and birth is for a woman. Because your partner is so tired, she may not appear to experience quite the same emotions as you.

Your partner’s reactions You’ll probably feel a wave of euphoria now that your baby is born, but, particularly if labor has been long and arduous, your partner may be just too tired to enjoy this same “buzz” immediately. It doesn’t mean she isn’t as excited and delighted as you are, but after a lengthy labor, it’s not surprising if she finds it difficult to express her enthusiasm right away. Just hold her close and let her know how proud you are of her and of your new son or daughter. Stay with them both for as long as possible after the birth, and help get them settled into the postnatal ward.

Valuing your role Be ready to congratulate your partner on her achievement, and let her know how much you appreciate her. But although all your thoughts will be with her, don’t belittle your own contribution and the support you’ve been able to give. You may think you haven’t really been much help-this is a common feeling for fathers who’ve seen their partners struggling through labor, particularly if it was a long one. Most mothers, though, say just how important it was to have the emotional support and encouragement from their partner throughout labor and at the baby’s birth.

Saying hello Take the chance to hold your baby while your partner is being stitched, or checked. Go to a quiet corner of the room and get to know the new member of your family. Let her look into your eyes and hold her close, just 8-10 in (20-25 cm) from your face. She’ll be able to see you and smell you, and she’ll learn to recognize you from the very beginning. Remember, too, that sight is not her only way of experiencing this new world, and that the sense of touch is very important to babies. Take your shirt off and hold her against your skin or gently stroke her-both are strong ways of bonding with your new baby.

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