Your Child’s Expanding World – Part 2

Enforcing time out

One of the best tactics for dealing with bad behavior is known as “time out.” Basically, preschoolers want to be part of the action – they’re not like older kids, who actually enjoy spending time in their bedrooms on their own. Your preschooler will always want to be where the action and the fun is, so what better way to drive home the message that certain behavior isn’t acceptable than to banish him from the fun, even just for a minute or two?

Just as you may have done when your child was a toddler, you can still use the idea of a time-out chair where your child has to sit, away from the fun, to make clear that his behavior was not okay.

Don’t use time-out as a threat. Mention it only when you’re about to use it, and then pick your child up and take him there. Insist that he sit in the chair – even a minute will make the point.

Preschool fighting

Once your child starts at preschool or day care, you might find yourself worrying about the inevitable fights he’ll get involved in when you’re not around. It’s understandable that you should be concerned, particularly if your little one is going through a stage when sharing seems particularly difficult.

Bear in mind that preschool staff have lots of experience with dealing with the tiffs that break out every few minutes at every session.

Asking for advice

If you’re concerned about fights, why not talk to the staff about how they deal with squabbles and other bad behavior during play sessions? Tell them which tactics you use at home and compare notes. Talking to preschool or day care staff will not only reassure you that they know how to handle your child and the others in their care, but you might also gain some useful tips that you can use at home yourself. If you then use these tactics for coping with bad behavior at home, your child will be receiving the same clear messages from both his teachers and his parents.

Always remember to praise good behavior as well as making clear your disapproval of bad behavior. In fact, one effective tactic is to ignore bad behavior (unless it’s potentially harmful to your child or others), but to lavish praise on good behavior instead.

Separation issues

All children can be apprehensive in a new situation, but some children take longer to gain confidence than others. If your child refuses to let you out of his sight even several weeks into preschool or day care, try to analyze the problem. Is day care or preschool meeting his particular needs? How does he behave when you’re not around? Is he really ready for a preschool?

If the staff tell you that your child is happy enough when you’re not around, you can at least console yourself with the thought that, however difficult the separation, your child will settle down soon after you leave.

If you find that you’re consumed with guilt after leaving your child at day care bawling yet again, arrange to phone the staff half an hour later to find out now your child is doing, and to help put your mind at rest that he’s okay.

Don’t tell your child all about what you did while he was at preschool, or you’ll make him wish he’d stayed with you. Ask him about what he did, who he played with, and so on.

Making the adjustment

If your child still isn’t adjusting to day care or preschool after several weeks, and you’ve followed the staff’s advice on how to help him settle in, think about whether it would be worth taking him out for the rest of the term.

You could then enroll him again next term, either at the same preschool, or at a different one. Don’t just decide preschool isn’t for him and leave it for months. Children have preferences, just as adults do, and it could be that the particular preschool wasn’t right for your child, while another one will be fine.

Preschools often have a group of parents who spend some time helping out. The opportunity to participate on an occasional basis at your child’s group is a welcome chance for you to find out more about how he’s spending his time there, and means that you can talk to your child with more knowledge about what’s gone on during the day in your absence.

Playdates

Going to a friend’s house for a play date is an exciting development in the life of any child. Some children start a social life at a very early age but, for many, invitations to play at others’ homes don’t begin until after they’ve started preschool.

Going to a friend’s house

It’s usually a good idea to wait until your child is well settled into preschool before launching him into the world of playdates. Once he’s happy, however, he’ll love the chance to spend time in other people’s houses, playing with his friends and their toys.

Children often feel a little worried when their mom or dad leaves them at a friend’s house, unless they’ve spent time there before. If your child looks concerned, let him know that his friend’s mother has your phone number and that if he needs you, you can be back within a few minutes. You don’t want him to feel abandoned.

Don’t be late in picking up your child from a friend’s house ­ not only will the other parent have had enough by then, but your own child will pick up the vibe that it’s time for him to be picked up, and he may become anxious.

Explain to your child how long he will be staying at his friend’s house and tell him if he’s staying for lunch or supper. Say you’ll be back to pick him up after the meal so that he knows when to expect you.

It’s my party

Once your child is in preschool, he’s probably ready to have a “real” birthday party. Until now, parties have probably been small affairs.

Parents of children under three in particular, and sometimes under four, almost always stay at a party. But once your child is three or four, most parents will leave their child in your care. My advice about children’s parties is to try not to be too ambitious ­keep it simple.

Don’t invite too many children – six or eight preschoolers are a good number – and don’t arrange for it to go on for too long. A couple of hours is plenty.

Arranging parties

You might want to hire a clown, a magician, or some other form of entertainment – there’s lots of it around ­but my advice would be to wait until your children are older and will appreciate an act more. For younger kids, party games such as duck, duck goose, musical chairs, and some unstructured play time is all you’ll need for a fun afternoon. Enlist the help of at least one other adult – or two, if you have a younger child to keep an eye on as well. Prepare the food in advance so that you have your hands free when the children arrive.

You can put together boxed lunches with sandwiches and cookies. Once the children are sitting on the floor or on the grass in the backyard, you can hand out the boxes. This avoids the need to set up a table beforehand, which can be a waste of time when you have eight 4-year-olds running amok.

And so to “big” school

It doesn’t seem that long ago that you were pushing him around in his stroller and now its time to think about elementary school! Its one of the most important decisions you’ll make as a parent, and certainly one of the most daunting. Which school will be best for your child and how do you actually get him in?

You often hear the phrase “parental choice” in reference to education, but that doesn’t mean that you have an automatic right to select the school you want for your child. What “parental choice” actually means is that you have the right to express your preference ­ that’s all. To find out what your preference is, you need to do your homework. Call your Local Board of Education and ask for a listing of all the schools that they have available – the listing may also give entrance criteria, or you may have to call individual schools to find out how they choose students. Use your local library or the Internet to look for general information about the schools you’re considering.

Comparing schools

Talk to other parents in your area about the schools they’re looking at. Think of your child and his needs. What kind of atmosphere will he thrive in? Some children need a relaxed, social environment, while others do better in a more structured, academic setting. What’s right for one child may be wrong for another. Look at a school’s standards and find out about any extra-curricular activities it may offer. Visiting a school will give you an opportunity to see the place “as it is,” and will give you an idea of how happy and motivated the children are.

Entry requirements

Finding the school you’d like your child to go to is the easy part, but try to keep an open mind instead of setting your heart on one particular school. Every school has a list of entry requirements, and the more closely your child matches the list, the more likely it is that he will get in.

The big day looms. . .

Most schools have open days or afternoons in the summer or early in the fall when children who are going to attend in September can come for an orientation session. If you haven’t been told about one of these, be sure to ask. If there is an event scheduled, try and make every effort to go to it with your child – it really does help to give your child a preview of what the classroom looks like, and how much fun it will be.

Settling in

The transition to elementary school is a huge one for a young child, even if he’s already been attending preschool or day care. One of the big differences is size. Even a small school is a huge new world to a 4-year-old. In the first weeks of a new school, lunch time and play time are often especially traumatic for children. If this is the case with your child, talk to his teacher about it and see what can be done to make life easier. Some schools have a “buddy” system in which each incoming child is paired with a child from an upper grade to give practical and moral support, and this is often extremely helpful.

Becoming a Family

No matter how many baby books you read, and no matter how well prepared you are, you can still be knocked sideways by the impact of a newborn baby on your life. In addition to the physical requirements of looking after a baby, your normal domestic work will at least quadruple. Instead of doing the laundry once a week, you may find you have to do it every day. Such repetitive chores can create a heavy, tiring work load.

After the first few weeks, when relatives and neighbors stop dropping by to offer congratulations, the novelty of being home alone with a new baby can wear off rapidly. Mothers who have given up a job or a career may find that what they miss is not their work, but their work environment. They miss social interaction with their friends and colleagues. In particular, they miss the difference between work and home. With a young baby, you do not have the luxury of leaving your work behind.

Many people also find that making the transition from being a couple to being a family can prove more traumatic than they imagine. The dynamics in a relationship need to adapt to a new addition. Problems can arise when a couple finds it difficult to fit another person into the complex equation of human emotions that makes up a relationship.

New Responsibilities

The arrival of a child means that choices become stark: before­hand, for instance, if neither partner wanted to clean the bathroom floor, it could be left until later. But a baby can never be left until later. His needs take priority, and somebody has to take immediate responsibility for meeting them. Time that was previously spent on other things must now be given to the baby.

Ideally these lifestyle changes are shared equally within a partnership, but in practice women very often end up taking on the main burden. Depending on individual expectations, this can lead to deep, resentment within a relationship, causing a couple to move apart after the birth of their baby.

Research has shown that one in every two marriages in the U.S. goes into decline after the birth of the first child. All couples in the study, no matter how well adjusted they were, experienced on average a 20 percent increase in conflict within their marriage during the first year of parenthood. Although conflict can sometimes be healthy, it is often not what at new parents expect.

To reduce the stress placed on a partnership, it is vital that each partner has at least some idea of what to expect and is able to compromise. Having a baby means rearranging your life.

Equal Parenting

Although the role of men in parenting has changed over the last few decades, the attitude that child care is primarily a woman’s responsibility still persists. Ideally, you and your partner should discuss your respective roles before your baby is born. Women should make their partners aware that being a good father doesn’t just mean helping: it means fathering the child as well.

In a recent survey, 74 percent of fathers said they believed that child care should be shared equally. But when asked, “Do you share child care equally with your partner?” 87 percent replied “no”. In other words, almost nine out of ten women will not receive equal help from their partners.

This isn’t just damaging for women, it is also very limiting for men in two ways. First, a father’s relationship with his partner may suffer if she feels resentment at a lack of help and support. Second, if a father doesn’t play an active role in the early months and years of his baby’s life, he may lose the chance to form a close childhood bond with his son or daughter. A detached father will have a negative effect on his child. Girls may have trouble interacting with men and boys will be deprived of a male role model.

Fathering

Many of us remember our fathers seeming more distant and unapproachable than our mothers, but there is no reason why a child cannot enjoy an equally close relationship with both parents. A baby’s relationships do not operate on an either/or basis, and
you should never worry that if a baby spends an equal amount of time with his father, he may love his mother less. All young children need as much love as they can get, and both parents should do their utmost to provide it.

For a father to take on an equal role as a parent, he will have to overcome cultural pressures and perhaps change his own attitudes, too. He will also have to recognize his role as a caregiver rather than just a provider. Some men confuse parenthood with taking care of the bills, because that is what their own fathers did.

Today it may be economic factors that determine who is left holding the baby. If a woman earns more than her partner, or if he is unemployed, many couples can’t afford to let misplaced male pride reduce their weekly income. While the rise of the house-husband has undoubtedly benefited lots of families, it is important to bear in mind that the man left at home with a small child suffers from the same problems as a woman: isolation and boredom.

Grandparents

With the arrival of a first child, grandparents can be supportive or they can be the source of increased tension, especially if family relations are already strained. You will probably find that you see more of your in-laws once your baby is born, and ideally this will contribute to a happier family life.

Sometimes, however, the intimacy and interdependency of family relations means there is a fine line between helpfulness and interference. Ideally, you and your partner will have discussed the role you want grandparents to play. Once both of you have decided how much help you do or don’t want, you will find it easier to establish your authority by setting out the rules in advance.

It is understandable that many grandparents, particularly grandmothers, want to show you how they coped with a crying baby or a disobedient toddler. This advice is usually well-intended and may be welcome. If it isn’t, say so. Point out that it is your baby and that discipline – or any other matter – is therefore your responsibility. If you occasionally make mistakes, they will be your own.

It certainly is worth persevering to overcome problems with parents so your child will be able to reap the benefits of a secure and loving relationship with her grandparents.

A Special Relayionship

A good relationship between a grandparent and grandchild is rewarding for the whole family. Grandparents can offer a more relaxed perspective about your children, parents can rest secure in the knowledge that when grandparents are in attendance their
baby will be well looked after, and a baby can learn to form an important emotional bond beyond her mother and father. Grandparents can form special relationships with their grandchildren for several reasons. First, they see them less frequently than their parents do, which alleviates the strain of day-to-day care. Second, ultimate responsibility for a child rests with her parents. This frees grandparents to enjoy the thrill of parenthood without the accompanying worries and stresses. Third, a grandparent has already brought up at least one child, and problems are always easier to cope with the second time around. Grandparents are also likely to have more quality time to spend with their grandchildren.

As children become young adults with problems of their own, grandparents can offer a broader perspective on the difficulties facing them. A grandparent is likely to be the oldest person your child will ever know as a friend and can give your child an insight into how things were in the past, as well as being a lot more interesting and loving than history books.

Not all families, however, can enjoy the benefits of an extended family. This is particularly true today, as financial pressures force couples to move to where they can find work. Divorce can limit grandparents’ access to their grandchildren. This can be terribly upsetting for grandparents and grandchildren alike, and it helps if a child continues to see her grandparents regularly.

Love and Security

The most basic needs of any young child are physical care and emotional love and security. If a child feels well cared for, she will develop into a more outgoing and relaxed person. A child who is given enough love and security at an early age is likely to become less demanding as she grows older. Conversely, a child who is emotionally neglected may grow up insecure, clingy, and fearful.

It is important that parents not shy away from giving their child adequate love and security for fear of “spoiling” her. Although it is true that a child should not get into the habit of thinking she can have anything she wants, it is even more important that she not get into the habit of thinking she is not loved.

Remember, your child’s way of seeing things is very different from yours. Small and apparently trivial displays of affection (a hug, a pat, a kiss) will do much more to shape the personality of your young child than anything else. It is no good loving your child and trying not to show it, in the mistaken assumption that this will make her a “stronger” person. In fact, the opposite is true.

Affection produces emotional and physical results. For instance, when young babies are held in their mother’s arms, they breathe more slowly, have a steadier respiration, cry less, and sleep more.
This isn’t so surprising, since cuddling takes a child back to the comforting sensation of the uterus when she was warm and secure. Hugging is also the best way of communicating to a young child that you love and care for her. If your child sees her parents hugging each other she will know that, in spite of any arguments you might have, you still love each other.

Even if your child can feel that you love her through your physical affection, it is also important that she hear it. Toddlers especially need to hear that you love them. They have reached the stage where they can tell you that they love you, and they need this affection to be reciprocated. Never be shy about showing your love – It is the most important thing you will ever share.

Your Child’s Expanding World

Getting settled

The first day is the beginning of settling in, and for some children it may be all that’s required. Many children, however, take a little longer – sometimes weeks and even months – to settle into their preschool. The good news is that, however long it seems to take, your child will eventually settle in. Be guided by your own feelings about whether he’s confident and happy enough to be left on his own. If you feel he’s still a little young and shy, be prepared to stick around preschool or day care a little longer than other parents do. If the staff asks you to leave your child, explain that you’d like to remain on the premises, or ask them to call you if he doesn’t settle in.

Learning how to behave

This isn’t a new issue- you’ve probably been dealing with “misbehavior” since your child was 12 months old. Remember that children are still learning about the world, and “bad” behavior is just part of this process.

Young children have lots of ideas of their own and can be determined to get their own way. The other day, my daughter had a friend over to play. After being bossed around for a good part of an hour, the other child decided that she’d had enough and wanted to go home. My daughter refused to accept this. She started hitting the friend and shouting “You’ve got to stay! I want you to stay!” The irony of the situation, the fact that the last thing she was going to achieve by her behavior was to encourage the friend to stay, was lost on her.

Coping with difficult behavior

When your child gets into a fight with his friend, separate the children and try to explain to the aggressor why the tactics aren’t actually going to work. Always comfort the injured party (usually, it’s only their pride that’s been hurt) and give most of your attention to him. Psychologists say we should be wary of giving attention to the child who is behaving badly, because a child may be encouraged to more naughtiness when he or she notices that this type of behavior draws an adult’s attention.

Sharing isn’t something preschoolers learn to do overnight. One of the most vital aspects of preschool education, both formal and home-based, is teaching a child that much of what’s in the world has to be shared with others.

My Baby’s Growing Up Fast

Swimming babies

Just a few years ago, almost no one took a baby swimming. Today, most swimming pools have a program of classes and groups aimed at even the youngest customers and their parents. These classes are enormously popular. Just as more and more women are choosing to use water during childbirth, so more parents are choosing to introduce their babies to the joys of water and swimming at an ever-younger age.

Should I take my baby swimming?

Is it a good idea? Well, a lot of claims are made for the long-term benefits of early swimming. A German study found that babies who swim have more advanced motor development, social skills, and intelligence, while a Finnish study found that it helps babies to talk earlier. Swimming instructors often claim that babies who swim regularly tend to sleep more soundly, and that they are less likely than other babies to suffer from colds, sniffles, and even asthma.

The first few times you take your baby swimming, take some of her familiar bath toys along too – they might help her feel at home.

While beneficial effects are all well and good, the most important considerations when thinking about taking your baby swimming are: will she enjoy it and will you enjoy it?

Is it a good idea to start early?

Enthusiasts of baby swimming classes say that the earlier you start taking Your baby to the swimming pool, the better. This is because she’s less likely to develop a fear of water, and also she’ll get used to the techniques taught at the class from ear of early on.

Under the age of 6 months, babies don’t possess the mechanisms for regulating their own temperature; after 6 months they do begin to have it, but you still have to be very careful that they don’t get too cold in the water.

Toddler swimming classes

Parent and toddler classes are usually taught in small groups of five or six parent and baby couples (it is usually mothers, although most classes are more than happy if it’s the dad rather than the mom who goes along).

Often, there’s nursery rhyme singing and children’s music in the background. Lots of the exercises are aimed at getting your toddler used to the idea of being in the water. Some classes involve submerging the baby’s head under the water for a second or two – young babies have what’s called a diving instinct that will automatically kick in when this happens.

Of course, you don’t have to join a formal class to enjoy a trip to the local pool with your baby – although it is often more fun for both of you if you team up with another parent and baby. Try finding a pool with some sort of child care so that you can swim for a while on your own before or after going for a dip with your toddler.

Don’t be surprised if your child loses interest in swimming at around 1 year of age – it’s a common phenomenon. But do continue to take her to the pool from time to time anyway – it may take a year or so, but eventually she’ll start enjoying it again.

Try taking a brightly colored inflatable ball along to the pool with you, to give your baby something to look at and play with in the water. Let her lie on her back, with your hands supporting her, so that she can kick. And when she’s happy to go on her front, glide her through the water so that she gets used to the feel of “swimming” through the pool.

The toddler social circuit

Some toddlers have schedules that make you feel tired just looking at them! Monday it’s music group, Tuesday toddler gym, Wednesday playgroup, Thursday swimming, Friday massage class – not to mention weekends packed with social activities.

Getting the right balance

The truth is, it’s all too much – if it sounds too much for a 30-something mother like me, it’s got to be too much for a tiny tot who still needs daytime naps and is still learning how things work and where she fits into the world.

That, in fact, is the essence – your toddler still has a lot to learn, and almost any situation, properly used, has learning opportunities for her, whether it’s a specially designed activity or not.

Having said that, a baby of 6 or 9 months plus does gain from inclusion in sort of group from time to time. It doesn’t have to be a formal thing – you might just dip into a playgroup of a local church or temple when you can find the time, and that’s as good a start into the world of socializing as anything, and it’s usually inexpensive.

One or two group sessions or classes per week are ample for a child in this age group. Schedule lots of time for one-to-one fun at home or at the park, too.

Your baby’s social life with her caregiver

Babies who are looked after by a caregiver sometimes have the busiest social lives of all. It’s worth taking stock with your caregiver from time to time if you think your child is being taken to too many activities. It’s easy to see why it could happen – unlike you when you’re at home, your nanny or au pair doesn’t have to run the house, so the chance to go out and mix with other people has a big appeal.

Initially, you may be eager to have your caregiver signing your baby up for a lot of activities. But keep in mind that your child needs lots of one-to-one care as well. Try to discourage your nanny from having friends over or going to a group every day of the week – suggest that some days are just for “chilling out” at home.

Make time to be together

Whether you work in or outside of the home, you need time with your toddler, too. It doesn’t have to be time when you’re just sitting around doing nothing – but it should be a time when your life isn’t being ruled by the clock, and when you don’t have lots and lots of other demands pressing in on you all at once.

Playing at home

Some of the happiest times with my current toddler, Miranda, have been the days when we’ve both been lounging around at home while her older sisters were at school. The school day is amazingly short when you’re trying to get things done: you only get around 5 hours before it’s time for the children to come home. I found that it helped to downsize my expectations about what I could achieve in a day. I still usually managed to straighten up the bedrooms, Miranda in tow. And as we wandered around making beds and putting teddies back on their shelves, we had lots of time to sit around reading a book, or singing along with some nursery rhymes on her tape machine.

What shall we do?

Talking to your child, reading with her, and singing to her are the three basic essentials of spending time together. You don’t need lots of equipment or to be part of a group to be able to do this – you just need to have time, and one or two of your child’s favorite books on hand.

Picture books are excellent at this stage. I’ve always particularly enjoyed sharing the kind that have large color photographs of things children are familiar with – a cup, a swing, a television set, and so on. Babies enjoy looking at and recognizing the items pictured. Try repeating the names and talking a bit about the different things on the page – this will help with your baby’s early language development.

Small children love photographs of people they know. Buy a cheap photo album with plastic see-through slots for the pictures, and give your baby her own picture book to fill with photographs.

Outings and expeditions

Going on outings together is another way to have fun. Of course, trips with another parent and child are very rewarding, too. But do reserve some trips for just the two of you, as you’ll find you’re more likely to talk to your baby if you’re alone with her.

There are lots of things you can do out of the house with a baby or toddler. Don’t assume that you have to leave everything until your child is older. Art galleries, for example, can be great at this stage, but the trick is not to be too ambitious. Go to a gallery where you know children are welcomed, and concentrate on looking at just one or two areas. You can plan your trip so that your baby has a sleep while you’re there, giving you some free time to walk around with the stroller.

Make time apart, too

Fun a, your baby is you’ll find your relationship with her is actually strengthened if you manage to spend at least part of the time away from her.

Try to find another mother with a child the same age as yours, who’ll do a child care swap with you for a couple of hours each week.

A baby of 6 months plus is old enough to be left with another mother or caregiver for short periods – you don’t have to invest in formal child care. If you have a regular evening babysitter, it can be a good idea to get her to look after your child occasionally during the day, too. This will help to strengthen the bond between her and your baby and increase your confidence about leaving them when you go out at night.

Ears

Ear infections are common in children because their eustachian tubes are narrow and horizontal; this makes drainage poor and the tubes are easily blocked, leading to middle ear infections.

Waxy Ear

Ear wax is produced by glands in the outer ear canal and protects the ear from dust, foreign bodies, and infection. If wax accumulates and hardens, it can result in hearing loss. Although it’s not usually serious, you should consult your child’s doctor.

Symptoms

Ear wax can become hard and compacted and cause impaired hearing, a ringing sound in the head, or a sensation of fullness in the outer ear. It may be possible to see the buildup of wax.

Treatment Ear drops may be effective. Drops are more likely to be used if the wax has formed a hard plug, as they will soften it, allowing it to come out overnight on soft cotton wool placed at the opening of the canal. You should never try to insert anything into your child’s ear to try to clear wax, not even a fingernail or a cotton bud. They will only push the wax further into the canal or damage the lining of the ear.

Outer Ear Infection

The passage leading to the eardrum from the ear flap can sometimes become infected as a result of excessive cleaning or scratching, the presence of a foreign body in the ear, or after swimming. This can be painful, but is not usually serious.

Symptoms Your child will complain of earache and her ear and outer ear passage may be red and tender. You may notice a puslike discharge from the ear, and a dry scaly appearance. A boil within the ear canal can also cause great pain.

Treatment Home treatment includes keeping the ear clean, giving acetominophen elixir to relieve pain and keep the temperature down, and covering the ear with a cotton pad. Your doctor may prescribe antibiotics or ear drops. Any foreign body or boil in the ear must be dealt with by a doctor.

Middle Ear Infection

Otitis media, or infection of the middle ear, is quite common in children. Until about age six, some children develop such infections with every cold or sniffle. Infections are caused by bacteria entering the middle ear from the nose and the throat via the eustachian tube. Untreated infections can result in permanent hearing loss. Recurrent middle ear infections are often linked with glue ear.

Symptoms The most prominent symptoms are severe earache and loss of appetite. Your child may also have a fever or a discharge from the ear, and there may be some hearing loss. A baby with a middle ear infection may be distressed and pull and rub her ear. She may also have general symptoms such as loss of appetite, vomiting, and diarrhea.

Treatment The usual treatment is antibiotics and pain-relieving medication. At home, keep your children comfortable and cool and give lots of drinks as ,well as her medicines. The child should avoid getting water in the ear until the infection has cleared. Unless she feels very unwell, she can go to school:
ear infections are not contagious.

Glue Ear

If Your child has repeated infections of the middle ear, the middle ear can gradually fill with jelly-like fluid. As the fluid cannot drain away through the eustachian tube, it becomes sticky and impairs hearing because the sounds are not being effectively transmitted across the middle ear to the inner ear, where they are actually heard. It’s important to deal with glue ear promptly, especially when your child is learning to speak.

Symptoms Glue ear generally causes no pain, but partial hearing loss and a feeling of fullness deep in the ear may occur. A child with chronic glue ear may sleep with the mouth open, snore when asleep, and speak with a nasal twang. If glue ear is not treated it can cause permanent deafness, resulting in speech and learning problems.

Treatment The fluid may drain away if left for a few weeks. Your doctor may prescribe decongestants to help drainage. If the fluid does not clear, surgery may be recommended; in this operation, a tiny hole is made in the eardrum and the fluid is sucked out. Then a tympanostomy tube may be inserted; this tiny plastic tube allows air to circulate in the middle ear. Any fluid that forms can drain away through the tympanostomy tube and flow down the eustachian tube.

The tympanostomy tube usually falls out after a few months and the eardrum heals. Occasionally the tube has to be inserted again if the fluid reaccumulates. Doctors usually advise that children avoid getting their ears wet for the first six weeks after the operation, but after that they can usually do anything they like.

Choosing Shoes

When you are buying your child shoes, always go to a reputable store where the staff has been trained to measure and fit children’s shoes. The salesperson should measure the length and the width of your child’s foot before trying any shoes. Once your child tries on a pair of shoes, the salesperson should press the joints of the foot to make sure that it is not restricted in any way, and that the fastenings hold the shoe firmly in place and don’t let your child’s foot slip around. Make sure your child stands up and walks around in the shoes to check that the toe doesn’t pinch and hurt when he’s walking and to double-check that there’s no slipping.

A sturdy, well-made pair of leather shoes is most suitable for general outdoor wear, especially once your child starts running and playing. You should, however, get a pair of rubber boots for wet or muddy conditions. Although leather shoes and sandals are solid and sensible and last well, there is nothing wrong with inexpensive canvas shoes or sneakers as long as you make sure that they fit properly. If your child suddenly becomes less steady on his feet it may be a sign that he is outgrowing his shoes. Well-fitting shoes are essential to ensure that your child has good feet in adult life. Don’t try to save money by buying second-hand shoes; they will have molded to the first owner’s feet.

Your Baby’s Health

It’s likely that even if you weren’t the sort of person who spent much time at the doctor’s office, you are there quite a lot now. If this is your first baby, and even if it’s your second or third, it’s easy to get worried about his health and to feel that you need a second opinion about anything that concerns you. Never worry about “bothering” your doctor or any other health professional about your baby’s health. Reassuring people is as much a doctor’s job as treating them, and any health worker would far rather put a parent’s mind at rest over a medical matter than see a sick child whose parents didn’t like to trouble them. Trust your instincts; if you’re worried about something, get it checked out.

Teething

After Sleeping, teething is the most notorious element of babyhood. Just like sleeping, everyone seems to assume that a child will have problems with cutting his first teeth. And just like sleeping, it’s true that while some babies do have problems, others don’t have any at all.

What is teething?

Teething, like colic, has become a catch-all word. Any bout of unexplained crying, any fretfulness or unsettled period, any sign of red cheeks or a slightly raised temperature, and “teething” is likely to be floated as a possible cause. Ask most parents, and they’ll swear that teething does go hand-in-hand with real physical discomfort and symptoms like these, but talk to a pediatrician, and you’ll hear that there’s no evidence to link the appearance of teeth with any ailment whatsoever.

Don’t be tempted to start using “teething gels” on your baby’s gums just because he seems unsettled. These contain drugs, and it may be that there’s no new tooth appearing at all.

When to expect the first tooth

Some babies are born with a “natal tooth,” which is usually removed because of the risk of choking. However, it is much more common for a baby’s first tooth to put in an appearance anywhere between 3 and 16 months.

Sometimes a tiny lump on your baby’s gum, which is occasionally bluish in color, heralds the appearance of a tooth – this is nothing to be concerned about.

Every baby is different

That’s a wide period of time within which your baby’s teeth may start to appear. Don’t listen to any old wives’ tales, such as that your baby’s intelligence is related to the age when his first tooth appears. Tooth growth is very individual – it can vary considerably between siblings, too. My eldest daughter was over a year old when her first tooth appeared, but her younger sisters both had their first teeth by the time they were 6 months of age. Interestingly, however, the pattern does seem to have had a bearing on second teeth: my eldest’s teeth have been very slow to come through.

Teething problems

Doctors are divided on whether any real pain accompanies the arrival of teeth in a baby’s mouth. Many concede that there may be some discomfort when a tooth is about to break through the gum, but most believe that the problem isn’t half as great as parents make out. If you think that your baby is experiencing discomfort because of an emerging tooth, rub his gums with a clean finger to help him to feel better.

If it’s not teething what is it?

The fact is that babies aren’t able to tell us what’s wrong, and because we’re usually so eager to find out what’s bothering them, we often make assumptions. That’s why we often think that our babies are having “teething problems.” But don’t forget that lots of things can make a baby of under 6 months feel out of sorts. The best way to deal with it, whatever the cause, is to give him lots of love.

Looking after milk teeth

You may be advised to brush your baby’s very first tooth and to go out immediately and buy a baby toothbrush and some “infant” toothpaste. If you want to, that’s fine – but brushing tiny teeth with your finger will be just as effective at keeping them clean. Creating the habit matters more at this stage than the actual process of cleaning them.

As your baby grows older, and likes to “help” brush his teeth himself – and coat his face in toothpaste at the same time, naturally – it can be a good idea to do his teeth in the bath.

What does matter, hugely, is what you’re giving your baby to eat. By this stage, your child will probably be able to make very clear to you that he likes (correction: loves) anything sweet. However happy he is to eat sugary desserts and chocolate candies, try to limit his intake of these sorts of foods. As well as getting him into bad habits, these sugary foods could be doing harm to his tiny emerging teeth. Even though these teeth will eventually come out and be replaced by “adult” teeth, they still have a lot of work to do before then!

From the age of 4 or 5 months a baby is able to start using a cup, instead of a bottle, for drinking. If you are giving him sugary drinks, such as diluted fruit juices, get him into the habit of using a cup. This is because research has shown that regular contact with a bottle nipple filled with juice can damage a baby’s teeth.

Don’t forget that, apart from milk, water is the best drink that you can give your baby.

What can my baby chew on?

Teething babies often like something to bite or chew on. Try a teething ring or a hard, unsweetened cracker. Teething toys that have been put into the freezer are not a good idea because they can harm the gum tissues and cause pain. If you want to cool one down a bit, put it into a mug of iced water for a few minutes before giving it to your baby.

Considering vaccinations

Vaccinations introduce a substance into the body that will trigger the production of antibodies and help the body fight a disease if its later contracted. Whether to have your baby vaccinated is one of the first and, in many ways, one of the hardest dilemmas you’ll face about your child’s welfare. Like every parent, you only want to do what’s best for your child – but there are so many claims as to the rights and wrongs of vaccinations that it can seem difficult to know who to believe.

Should we vaccinate our baby?

Vaccination does carry risks, as any doctor will tell you. Most doctors argue that these dangers are tiny, but they’re talking I about the risks that they believe or know to be there.

Leaving a child unvaccinated carries real dangers too; many argue that the risks that your child faces if she contracts the diseases concerned are far greater than any perceived danger from the vaccine is likely to be.

Do your research

Find out as much as you can about immunization. Read about it. Talk to your partner. Talk to other parents. Talk to your pediatrician and your obstetrician. Listen to what all of them have to say, and you’ll soon find yourself coming down on one side of the fence or the other.

Don’t let apathy or sheer worry about vaccinations prevent you from researching the subject and making an informed choice based on what you’ve found out.

Early vaccinations

Vaccination schedules change as new vaccines (or combinations of old vaccines) are developed, but most American pediatricians recommend that a baby should be vaccinated at 2 months of age against Hepatitis B, Hib, DTaP (diptheria, tetanus, and pertussis combined), IPV (polio), and prevnar (to protect against pneumococcus, a bacteria that can cause meningitis and blood infections). Some doctors may even give the first Hepatitis B vaccine in the first few days of a baby’s life. These vaccines are then repeated at 4 and 6 months old. Sometimes they are staggered so that the baby doesn’t get so many shots at one visit, and some immunizations may be given as two vaccines in one shot. Then, at 12 to 15 months, babies receive MMR and Varivax (chickenpox) vaccines. Babies are not routinely immunized against Meningitis C.

Using medicines

If your baby has a fever of course you are going to be worried and concerned, and you’ll want to do everything that you can to bring his temperature down. The temptation to give a baby medicine if he appears fretful or irritable is often great because, after all, he can’t tell you if something’s hurting – and you don’t want to think that he might be suffering. As a result, liquid acetaminophen (Tylenol) has become the children’s cure-all in many a family household.

It’s important not to become too reliant on the use of drugs in young children. Pain relievers may cover up the symptoms of something that your baby is suffering from, but they won’t eliminate the problem.

Children’s medicine

Don’t automatically go to the medicine cabinet. Liquid acetaminophen can be a great help in bringing down a temperature in a child with a fever – but if you’re using it just to treat a general feeling that there’s something a bit wrong with your baby, hold off.

Avoid giving medicine in the hope that it will “help him to sleep” because he’s been crying a lot during the afternoon, or because he’s pulling his legs up to his tummy and you’re a bit worried he might have a stomach ache. If he does have an upset tummy, acetaminophen may irritate his stomach further. Always remember that medicines are designed to treat specific ailments and they should be used sparingly.

All about antibiotics

Antibiotics have been much prescribed in the western world, but now concern surrounds their use. The problem is that if antibiotics are used too freely, bacteria can build up resistance to the drug and then these medicines lose their effectiveness.

This, in turn, means that if a person is re-infected with the bacteria, stronger antibiotics will have to be given, and, sometimes, these can be given only intravenously in a hospital. In a wider context, there’s also a fear that super-bacteria may be produced that will eventually withstand all antibiotics, putting potentially everyone at risk.

Seeking medical advice

It’s 2 o’ Clock in the morning, and your baby seems very unwell. You’re faced with a dilemma: should you, or should you not, call your doctor?

Calling a doctor

It’s a problem every parent faces at some point, and when you’re a new parent and this is your first child, the question seems all the more difficult. The more children you have, and the more contact you’ve had with young babies, the more experienced you are likely to be at a correct, instinctive diagnosis.

But equally, it’s vital never to ignore the voice in your head which says “my baby really is ill, and he does need medical help.” Never hesitate if you feel this way; any parent would rather feel a bit silly to be told it’s nothing than to regret not calling for medical help sooner.

Assessing your baby’s well-being

If your baby is unwell but is generally happy and behaving normally, for example, he is feeding and he is producing wet and sometimes dirty diapers, there is probably nothing too much to worry about. It’s when your baby’s behavior changes, however, that the alarm bells should start ringing.

The condition of a young baby can change incredibly quickly. That’s why doctors are always very cautious if they’ve got any cause for concern. Equally, and happily, a baby who seems very ill can seem much better within an hour or two.

All about cot death

Sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS), is something that all parents fear, but instances of it are relatively rare. In fact, since a public-awareness campaign in the 1990s, the number of cases has fallen significantly. SIDS is not an illness. It cannot be diagnosed in a living baby, and there are numerous theories about what causes it. However, we do know that some babies are potentially at greater risk, including: premature babies; infants of mothers who have had apnoea or stopped-breathing incidents; infants of mothers who have had little or no antenatal care; infants of parents who smoke; and siblings of a previous SIDS baby. But even in these groups, the risk of SIDS is still as low as 1 per cent.

It’s also important to ensure that your baby sleeps on his back, unless a doctor instructs otherwise for medical reasons. However, a contrary medical opinion recommends that your baby should sleep on his side, so that there is no risk of choking on his own vomit. Either way, it is important that your baby does not sleep on his tummy. Keep pillows and large soft toys out of your baby’s cot, and don’t put your baby to sleep on soft surfaces, such as a sofa or cushion. Make sure that your baby doesn’t overheat in his crib.

Baby’s First Hours

Once your baby is delivered, all the attention will be given to her, not to you, and rightly so. She may cry first when delivered and will be bawling robustly a few seconds after birth. She’ll probably be a bluish-white color at first and may be covered with vernix-a white, cheesy substance that protects her skin in the womb. She’ll have streaks of blood on her and, depending on your delivery, her head may look slightly pointed after her journey down the birth canal.

Her First Moments

If her breathing is normal, there’s absolutely no reason why you shouldn’t hold her immediately. If there’s a danger of her being cold, you can be covered with a towel or blanket. Your gentle stroking movements and the sound of your heartbeat and voice will reassure your baby. Her eyes will almost certainly fasten on your face and she may scrabble as if trying to swim toward you.

Cutting the cord The first procedure after the delivery is the clamping of the cord. At the appropriate time, two clamps are applied to the cord, one a short distance from the navel, the other about an inch away. These clamps prevent the cord from bleeding, the one closest to your baby being the most important. At this point, your partner may be invited to cut the cord between the clamps. Some practitioners prefer to wait, however, until the placenta is delivered or the cord has stopped pulsating before cutting the cord. The cord may also be clamped and cut during delivery if it is looped tightly around your baby’s neck.

Her general condition The doctor or labor nurse will check your baby’s general condition. She’ll remove any fluid remaining in your baby’s mouth, nose, or air passages by sucking it out with disposable plastic tubing or a bulb syringe. If your baby doesn’t start to breathe immediately, the doctor will take her and give her oxygen, and the neonatologists will be called to the room.

Welcoming Your Baby

Once the nursing and medical staff have checked that both you and your baby are well, by all means ask them to leave if you want to be left alone in the warmth of your birthing room with your partner and your baby.

If you’ve had an episiotomy, you may have to wait until after you’ve been stitched; your doctor will be able to make a much neater repair if you’re stitched as soon as possible after the birth before the tissues swell. Once this is done, you can relax after your hard work and enjoy this amazing new experience together. It’s a good idea to put your baby to your breast immediately because it stimulates delivery of the placenta, even if your baby isn’t hungry at first.

Spend these first few moments concentrating on your baby, getting to know her, learning to recognize her face and cooing at her so that she can hear the sound of your voice. Ideally, hold her about 8-10 inches (20-25 centimeters) away from your face-at this distance she can make out your face quite clearly. Smile and talk gently in a sing-song voice, because newborn babies are attuned to high vocal pitches.

Let your partner hold his baby for the first time within half an hour of the birth. Men can bond as deeply and as quickly with their newborn children as women do.

After this initial bonding process, you’ll be washed down and asked to pass urine to make sure that everything’s in working order. You can then change, and the nurses will check your baby more thoroughly.

A More Thorough Check

Shortly after birth the doctor or nurse will make some specific checks on your baby. The doctor will check that her facial features and her body proportions are normal. She’ll be turned over to make sure that her back is normal and there are no indications of spina bifida. Her anus is checked, as are her fingers and toes. The number of blood vessels in the umbilical cord is recorded-there are usually two arteries and one vein. Your baby will then be weighed and her head circumference and possibly her body length measured. All this takes only a few seconds in the hands of an experienced doctor or mildwife.

Bottlefeeding

It’s perfectly safe and healthy to bottlefeed your baby with an infant formula, instead of breastfeeding, but you must follow the manufacturer’s instructions very carefully. When you feed your baby, give him plenty of warm, loving attention and eye contact.

Preparing Formulas

Infant formula products range from relatively inexpensive dried-milk-based powders to ready-to-use but expensive liquid milk products. Infant formulas are enriched with vitamins and iron, and are carefully formulated to make them as close as possible to human milk. They’re usually based on cow’s milk, but there are soy-based formulas for babies who cannot digest, or who have an allergy to, ordinary milk. If you’re unsure which product to choose, ask your health care provider to recommend one. Whichever formula you use, it’s essential to keep all the bottles, spoons, measuring cups, and nipples absolutely clean, because a newborn baby is very vulnerable to infection. It’s also very important always to wash your hands thoroughly before making up formula or bottlefeeding your baby.

Keeping Everything Clean

You’ll quickly develop your own routine for cleaning bottles and nipples. For sterilizing, you can use the hot cycle on your dishwasher, but be aware that rubber nipples will deteriorate quickly in the heat of a dish­washer. You can also sterilize equipment if you put it in a large pot, cover it with water, and boil for 10 minutes. All items must be fully submerged during the boiling period. Use tongs to remove the hot bottles and allow them to cool before filling. Sterilize all feeding equipment until your baby is 12 months old.

Before sterilizing, wash the feeding equipment in hot, soapy water or, if you have one, in a dishwasher. Scrub inside the bottles with a bottle brush. Clean nipples carefully, and rinse everything thoroughly

Measuring And Mixing

Follow the instructions on the can or package exactly when preparing a feeding. Never make the formula “more nourishing” by adding more powder than specified­ your baby will get too much fat and protein and too little water. And if you always add extra water to the powder, because you want to make the formula more thirst-quenching, you run the risk of under­nourishing your baby.