Your Child’s Expanding World – Part 2
Enforcing time out
One of the best tactics for dealing with bad behavior is known as “time out.” Basically, preschoolers want to be part of the action – they’re not like older kids, who actually enjoy spending time in their bedrooms on their own. Your preschooler will always want to be where the action and the fun is, so what better way to drive home the message that certain behavior isn’t acceptable than to banish him from the fun, even just for a minute or two?
Just as you may have done when your child was a toddler, you can still use the idea of a time-out chair where your child has to sit, away from the fun, to make clear that his behavior was not okay.
Don’t use time-out as a threat. Mention it only when you’re about to use it, and then pick your child up and take him there. Insist that he sit in the chair – even a minute will make the point.
Preschool fighting
Once your child starts at preschool or day care, you might find yourself worrying about the inevitable fights he’ll get involved in when you’re not around. It’s understandable that you should be concerned, particularly if your little one is going through a stage when sharing seems particularly difficult.
Bear in mind that preschool staff have lots of experience with dealing with the tiffs that break out every few minutes at every session.
Asking for advice
If you’re concerned about fights, why not talk to the staff about how they deal with squabbles and other bad behavior during play sessions? Tell them which tactics you use at home and compare notes. Talking to preschool or day care staff will not only reassure you that they know how to handle your child and the others in their care, but you might also gain some useful tips that you can use at home yourself. If you then use these tactics for coping with bad behavior at home, your child will be receiving the same clear messages from both his teachers and his parents.
Always remember to praise good behavior as well as making clear your disapproval of bad behavior. In fact, one effective tactic is to ignore bad behavior (unless it’s potentially harmful to your child or others), but to lavish praise on good behavior instead.
Separation issues
All children can be apprehensive in a new situation, but some children take longer to gain confidence than others. If your child refuses to let you out of his sight even several weeks into preschool or day care, try to analyze the problem. Is day care or preschool meeting his particular needs? How does he behave when you’re not around? Is he really ready for a preschool?
If the staff tell you that your child is happy enough when you’re not around, you can at least console yourself with the thought that, however difficult the separation, your child will settle down soon after you leave.
If you find that you’re consumed with guilt after leaving your child at day care bawling yet again, arrange to phone the staff half an hour later to find out now your child is doing, and to help put your mind at rest that he’s okay.
Don’t tell your child all about what you did while he was at preschool, or you’ll make him wish he’d stayed with you. Ask him about what he did, who he played with, and so on.
Making the adjustment
If your child still isn’t adjusting to day care or preschool after several weeks, and you’ve followed the staff’s advice on how to help him settle in, think about whether it would be worth taking him out for the rest of the term.
You could then enroll him again next term, either at the same preschool, or at a different one. Don’t just decide preschool isn’t for him and leave it for months. Children have preferences, just as adults do, and it could be that the particular preschool wasn’t right for your child, while another one will be fine.
Preschools often have a group of parents who spend some time helping out. The opportunity to participate on an occasional basis at your child’s group is a welcome chance for you to find out more about how he’s spending his time there, and means that you can talk to your child with more knowledge about what’s gone on during the day in your absence.
Playdates
Going to a friend’s house for a play date is an exciting development in the life of any child. Some children start a social life at a very early age but, for many, invitations to play at others’ homes don’t begin until after they’ve started preschool.
Going to a friend’s house
It’s usually a good idea to wait until your child is well settled into preschool before launching him into the world of playdates. Once he’s happy, however, he’ll love the chance to spend time in other people’s houses, playing with his friends and their toys.
Children often feel a little worried when their mom or dad leaves them at a friend’s house, unless they’ve spent time there before. If your child looks concerned, let him know that his friend’s mother has your phone number and that if he needs you, you can be back within a few minutes. You don’t want him to feel abandoned.
Don’t be late in picking up your child from a friend’s house not only will the other parent have had enough by then, but your own child will pick up the vibe that it’s time for him to be picked up, and he may become anxious.
Explain to your child how long he will be staying at his friend’s house and tell him if he’s staying for lunch or supper. Say you’ll be back to pick him up after the meal so that he knows when to expect you.
It’s my party
Once your child is in preschool, he’s probably ready to have a “real” birthday party. Until now, parties have probably been small affairs.
Parents of children under three in particular, and sometimes under four, almost always stay at a party. But once your child is three or four, most parents will leave their child in your care. My advice about children’s parties is to try not to be too ambitious keep it simple.
Don’t invite too many children – six or eight preschoolers are a good number – and don’t arrange for it to go on for too long. A couple of hours is plenty.
Arranging parties
You might want to hire a clown, a magician, or some other form of entertainment – there’s lots of it around but my advice would be to wait until your children are older and will appreciate an act more. For younger kids, party games such as duck, duck goose, musical chairs, and some unstructured play time is all you’ll need for a fun afternoon. Enlist the help of at least one other adult – or two, if you have a younger child to keep an eye on as well. Prepare the food in advance so that you have your hands free when the children arrive.
You can put together boxed lunches with sandwiches and cookies. Once the children are sitting on the floor or on the grass in the backyard, you can hand out the boxes. This avoids the need to set up a table beforehand, which can be a waste of time when you have eight 4-year-olds running amok.
And so to “big” school
It doesn’t seem that long ago that you were pushing him around in his stroller and now its time to think about elementary school! Its one of the most important decisions you’ll make as a parent, and certainly one of the most daunting. Which school will be best for your child and how do you actually get him in?
You often hear the phrase “parental choice” in reference to education, but that doesn’t mean that you have an automatic right to select the school you want for your child. What “parental choice” actually means is that you have the right to express your preference that’s all. To find out what your preference is, you need to do your homework. Call your Local Board of Education and ask for a listing of all the schools that they have available – the listing may also give entrance criteria, or you may have to call individual schools to find out how they choose students. Use your local library or the Internet to look for general information about the schools you’re considering.
Comparing schools
Talk to other parents in your area about the schools they’re looking at. Think of your child and his needs. What kind of atmosphere will he thrive in? Some children need a relaxed, social environment, while others do better in a more structured, academic setting. What’s right for one child may be wrong for another. Look at a school’s standards and find out about any extra-curricular activities it may offer. Visiting a school will give you an opportunity to see the place “as it is,” and will give you an idea of how happy and motivated the children are.
Entry requirements
Finding the school you’d like your child to go to is the easy part, but try to keep an open mind instead of setting your heart on one particular school. Every school has a list of entry requirements, and the more closely your child matches the list, the more likely it is that he will get in.
The big day looms. . .
Most schools have open days or afternoons in the summer or early in the fall when children who are going to attend in September can come for an orientation session. If you haven’t been told about one of these, be sure to ask. If there is an event scheduled, try and make every effort to go to it with your child – it really does help to give your child a preview of what the classroom looks like, and how much fun it will be.
Settling in
The transition to elementary school is a huge one for a young child, even if he’s already been attending preschool or day care. One of the big differences is size. Even a small school is a huge new world to a 4-year-old. In the first weeks of a new school, lunch time and play time are often especially traumatic for children. If this is the case with your child, talk to his teacher about it and see what can be done to make life easier. Some schools have a “buddy” system in which each incoming child is paired with a child from an upper grade to give practical and moral support, and this is often extremely helpful.