Make a list of the things you’d really like to achieve in a day. Don’t be ridiculously over-ambitious – of course you aren’t going to manage to polish the silverware, get through all the washing and ironing, AND make a three­course meal for the evening.

The most important thing is having fun with your baby and caring practically for him. On top of this, there are obviously things that you want to do in the house for yourself and for your family. Take a long, hard look at what you want, and then think about how realistic these aims are and how you could implement them into a routine.

Implementing a routine

Whether you’re setting a routine based on your baby’s daily patterns or creating one that suits you, the key to successfully implementing a routine is to stick at it. You’re going to have to be prepared to invest a bit of time and effort into getting it right.

That may mean being tied by your timetable and absolutely not deviating from it. For example, if you always go out at 10 A.M and get back at 11 A.M. when your baby is ready for a feed and a nap, it’s no good meeting a friend and deciding to postpone the nap because your baby is happy playing with your friend’s child. The routine will quickly go to pot, so you have to decide what matters most – flexibility or knowing what the day ahead holds.

Getting the mornings right is important if you’re setting a routine. Always get up at the same time and always wake your baby at the same time, regardless of whether you’ve had a good night’s sleep or not.

Bedtime routines matter most

Whether or not you’re happy-go-lucky or routine-bound by day, the chances are that you will want some semblance of order in your evenings. For many parents, the evenings are the only time in the week when the family is all together, so there are several issues to take into account when you’re deciding what’s going to be right for you.

For example, if you or your partner ­ or both – have been out at work all day, you’ll no doubt be eager to see your baby. So as a result, you may not want to have strict rules about putting your baby to bed too early. And if you would like to be able to go out a few evenings a week, then you will need to take this into account when you plan your baby’s routine.

Why have a bedtime routine?

You want a bedtime routine because you need a bit of child-free time in your life however much you adore your baby and however much you love being with him. You will want a bedtime routine because, however easy-going you are generally, there comes a point in anyone’s day when you want to know you can get to bed yourself. And if this is your first baby, you will want a bedtime routine in place before you have a second child, because otherwise evenings will quite probably be hell.

On a good day, the bedtime ritual is a happy, relaxed, enjoyable time of the day. On a bad day, looking forward to the certainty that your baby will soon be in bed can carry you through some difficult moments – a bedtime routine can help to lift your spirits.

How to establish a bedtime routine

You need to decide on what time, roughly, you’d like to get your baby to bed. Think about what you’ve got to get finished before then, and then plan out a rough timetable that allows you to do everything in the time available.

For example, you might decide 7 P.M. is the time you want your baby to go to bed. Working back from there, it may be that you or your partner always gets home from work around 6 P.M. – and the baby is always pleased to see you, and you enjoy playing together. So, it would be useful if your baby has had his supper and his bath, and is ready for bed before you or your partner gets home at 6 P.M. Then the baby can have a bit of playtime. He will then have his bedtime feeding and then it’s time for bed. Then, you put him into his crib, read him a story, say goodnight, and then go. Even if he cries, wait a minute before going in to him. As soon as he settles, leave him again. If he cries again, lengthen the time before you go back. Leave it a minute, then 2 minutes, and then 5 minutes. Be firm about this, and your baby will soon find settling down at bedtime easy.

The bathtime routine

Your baby doesn’t need a bath every day until he’s moving around and getting mucky – topping and tailing will be sufficient most days. But many mothers find bath time a good routine to get into, because its a way of drawing the day to a close. Your baby will quickly learn to associate bathtime with winding down before bed.

Bathtime tips

Always look on bath time as a fun activity. If you’re not in the mood for it, you’re better off topping and tailing and doing bath time tomorrow. Sing to your baby, splash him gently, and give him time to enjoy the unusual sensation of being unencumbered by his diaper and his clothing.

Wash your baby’s hair with soap or a gentle shampoo, rinse it, and then brush it through with a soft brush, because this helps prevent or clear cradle cap.

Never, ever leave your baby unattended in the bath. Don’t be tempted to use one of those inflatable bath-rests to support his head – they are absolutely not a substitute for your presence.

Sharing bathtime

Most evenings, it’s more likely that you or your partner will bath your baby without either of you getting in with him. However, it’s fun taking a bath with your baby, and it has the advantage that you can get washed at the same time. If you choose to bath with your baby, make sure that you’re not in a rush, because it can be a time-consuming event!

When your baby is very small, have some around who can hand him into the bath to you and take him from you when to get out.

Being flexible

Routine that allow you to fell on top of things are life­enhancing, but remember that a routine is there to make things easier, not to stop you ever doing anything spontaneous or exciting. Try not to be too inflexible, especially when your baby is young. With a small child, you do have more opportunity to do something unexpected than you will in a few years’ time, for example, when he is tied into a nursery school timetable.

Psychologists say people who are too routine-driven lack confidence in their ability to do things, and feel they lack the power to control their life. If you feel this applies to you, think about why you feel powerless – find someone to talk to about it.

Coping on vacation

Everyone loves vacations – or do they? Perhaps surprisingly, the more you enjoy your routines, the less you may enjoy your vacation. That’s because, according to psychologists, people who “need” routine in their lives fear the loss of structure when they’re on vacation, and may even end up pining for what they have at home.

If that sounds like you, letting your routine go to pot on your vacation may be a bad idea. Instead, try and adapt your routine to your new circumstances. You might want to let your baby sleep for longer in the afternoon, for example, if you’re somewhere hot, and then let him stay up longer at night. In this way, you are still keeping a semblance of your routine, but without letting it interrupt your vacation.

You may find he sleeps well enough in his carriage or stroller in the early evening for you to take him along when you go out for supper. If it takes your baby a while to adjust back into a bedtime routine when you’re home, you can always console yourself with happy memories and a browse through your vacation photos. It really was worth It for such a marvelous time!

Unfamiliar surroundings

Be realistic. Your baby may find it difficult to keep the pattern of his routine when you’re on vacation especially if you are far from home and in a different climate. He may not be settling down to sleep as easily as he does at home, because he’s sleeping in an unfamiliar room. And then there are all those new things that he’s been seeing and doing. It’s not surprising if his routine is unsettled – so don’t expect too much of him.

I need some space for me!

You have several months to prepare yourself and get used to the idea, but somehow the arrival of a baby is always a shock. And nothing is more shocking, particularly when it’s your first child, than the realization of how much time looking after a tiny infant can take up. It takes up hours and hours and hours of every day – and, contrary to some expectations, these hours are not merely spent playing with the baby, taking him for walks in his stroller, or having coffee mornings with friends.

It’s all too much!

A lot of looking after a baby is repetitive, boring work. It’s worth remembering that it is a lot easier for us than it was for our grandparents when their offspring were young. But even with all the labor-saving machines we’ve got around our homes, there’s still plenty to be done: washing and ironing to get through, diapers to change, doctors’ appointments to keep. And that’s before you’ve started on any other household chores, which – whether you were used to doing them or not before your baby arrived – may well be coming your way now if you’re at home all day.

One of the reasons why it all gets too much ­ especially for new mums (or dads, if they’re the ones that stay at home) is because you feel you’ve got so little control over your life after a baby arrives. If this is your first child, your life may become very different. Perhaps you were used to an office life in which you could decide what was going to happen and when. Suddenly, maybe within just a week or two of leaving work, that certainty about what a day will hold vanishes. Instead of feeling in control and on top of things, you feel you’re living in disorder, mess, and chaos. There are so many things to sort out and no realistic possibility of doing so.

Making time for yourself

Don’t think that being a new parent means taking on some saintly mantle and giving up all hope of an evening out with friends, or a night at the movies, or a swim at the local pool. You do need time for yourself. Not only is it fair that you still have a bit of life for you and you alone, it’s actually best or your child and your partner.

It’s amazing how much of a lifeline a bit of independence can be in the early months of parenthood. It can help you. put your life into perspective and remind you that there are other things going on outside of your immensely absorbing new life. You’ll feel better in yourself if you have some interests that are separate from your immediate family, and you’ll find you actually enjoy the time you spend with your baby and partner more because you’ve had some time apart from them.

Don’t feel selfish about asking for time on your own when you’ve got a small baby; look on it as an investment in your sanity, in your own future, and in your relationships with those around you, too.

How to organize time for yourself

Organizing time out for yourself won’t necessarily be easy, but if you look hard enough, it will usually be possible. The most important first step is to make your own private time a priority: don’t allow it to be pushed to the back burner.

Ideally, you need to be able to hand your baby to someone for a few hours so that you can completely get away from being a caregiver for a short while. But if there is no one you are happy leaving your baby with, you can still invest in some “me time.” Try this: next time your baby goes down after feeding, run yourself a hot bath, and add your favorite bubbles. Get yourself a delicious cold drink, put on a face pack, play some music if you feel like it, and light some candles in the bathroom. Simply wallow for as long as you can.

Having massage or enjoying a reflexology session can be very relaxing and will help you switch off. Some practitioners will visit you at home to make it easier for you – a few can even bring a babysitter.

Your support network

It’s worth making sure you have a support network you can rely on. This will help you get a bit of time to yourself, because as your child gets older you’ll certainly need to rely on others from time to time, whether you’re in paid work or not.

If you look after the baby while your partner is working, your partner can enjoy caring for the baby during the evenings or weekends, and this will allow you a bit of freedom.

If you’re a mum who’s breastfeeding, ask your partner to take your baby for a walk in the sling or stroller once in a while. Your baby is less likely to cry and want milk while she’s on the move and if her mum is out of earshot.

Meanwhile, you will have some precious peace and quiet.

Try to spend more time with people who boost your confidence in your ability to be a parent, and spend less time with those who undermine you – that’s those who tell you what to do and how to do it, rather than listening to your views.

Beyond your partner, you may be able to call on family members like your mother or mother-in-law – but if not, you need to start finding other helpers for your network. They could include older neighbors, other mothers, babysitters, and au pairs. As your baby gets older, investigate whether your shopping center has a baby care service where you could leave your baby while you shop.

You don’t have to leave your baby for hour after hour with anyone else. In fact, that could be a very bad idea for such a young child. But don’t feel that to be the perfect parent you have to be hands-on 24 hours a day – you don’t.

Adapting to life with a baby

Things do seem to change all the time in the first few months of your baby’s life, and it can be disconcerting. No sooner do you think that you’ve got everything figured out and you know when your baby will be asleep and when he’s awake, then suddenly he does something you don’t expect and the whole routine is up in the air again. It’s confusing, but it’s actually a measure of how fast your baby is developing and how quickly his life is changing.

Why things change so much

This may surprise you, but babies do not always take well to being laid in a crib, put down to sleep, or even left to play or kick their legs. What they really, really want is to be held all the time in close proximity to a breastful of warm milk from which they can sup whenever they feel like it. The structure we expect from our babies – that they will feed at roughly similar times of the day, that they will sleep or roughly 3 to 4 hour intervals, that they will sleep for longer at night and so on – is our invention, not theirs. That’s why we’re so often confounded by their behavior. Because they didn’t write the rule book, we did. And they haven’t read it yet!

Coping with an unsettled baby

One particularly difficult problem many parents have to deal with is colic. Typically, a bout of colic strikes in the evening, and it can last for 2 hours or more at a time.

It can seem like the thin end of the wedge after a long, hard day, and can make you feel inadequate at a time of day when you’re running short on energy and need to have your confidence boosted, not dented.

All my babies have had an unsettled period in the early evening, and I remember how concerned we were when it was happening with our first baby, Rosie. By Miranda, my third, I found the best way to cope was to have a glass of wine, put on a CD, and have a slow dance around the room with her. She didn’t always stop crying right away, but she seemed to like the change of pace and I felt a lot more relaxed.

This pattern of unsettled evenings can go on interminably. The only way to deal with a phase of colic is to live with it and to believe it will go away (and it will, usually at around 3 months).

Every day is different

Young children, but especially babies under 6 mont of age, don’t function as we would expect or always want them to. No two days are alike: their behavior often seems completely random and unfathomable. Occasionally, you will hear stories of a baby who arrived in the world complete with a natural routine that made life a dream for his parents. Don’t listen to these stories, because they are almost always fiction have probably lost every grain of truth in the telling.

In short, don’t expect your baby to behave in an organized fashion in the early week and you won’t be disappointed. But that doesn’t, of course, mean you can’t work around your baby, and introduce an element of order into your lives yourself.

Studies show that 80 percent of normal, healthy babies have at least one period of unexplained crying every 24 hours.

Coping with your new life

It’s easy enough to say that you should stop worrying about how your house looks, or whether you’ve got a meal in the oven, or even how you’re looking yourself. Easy to say, but not easy to do. How many of us want to stop caring about our homes, our lives, and ourselves? The truth is that some parents find it relatively easy to cope with the fact that life gets less controlled and more chaotic, and others find it very difficult indeed.

The key to coping is in knowing yourself. Think about the way you lived before your baby was born, and think about the way things are now. Are you the sort of person who can live with piles of ironing everywhere, who doesn’t mind surviving on take-out and ready-made meals, and who doesn’t mind knowing there’s a bit of dust on the top shelves? Or do you know in your heart of hearts that you’ll never be happy unless you feel on top of your domestic situation?

There’s no “right” or “wrong” sort of parent. It doesn’t matter whether you’re a control freak or whether you’re happy-go-lucky in every way. You just need to find a balance that’s right for you and your baby, and try not to set yourself unrealistic expectations to live up to.

Coping with your new life

It’s easy enough to say that you should stop worrying about how your house looks, or whether you’ve got a meal in the oven, or even how you’re looking yourself. Easy to say, but not easy to do. How many of us want to stop caring about our homes, our lives, and ourselves? The truth is that some parents find it relatively easy to cope with the fact that life gets less controlled and more chaotic, and others find it very difficult indeed.

The key to coping is in knowing yourself. Think about the way you lived before your baby was born, and think about the way things are now. Are you the sort of person who can live with piles of ironing everywhere, who doesn’t mind surviving on take-out and ready-made meals, and who doesn’t mind knowing there’s a bit of dust on the top shelves? Or do you know in your heart of hearts that you’ll never be happy unless you feel on top of your domestic situation?

There’s no “right” or “wrong” sort of parent. It doesn’t matter whether you’re a control freak or whether you’re happy-go-lucky in every way. You just need to find a balance that’s right for you and your baby, and try not to set yourself unrealistic expectations to live up to.

You’re the perfect parent for your baby, so don’t torture yourself thinking about whether you’d be so more successful if you could only be someone else. No one else could be a better parent for your child than you are- although that doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t always try your best.

Avoiding comparisons

Whatever else you take on board from this book, I’m absolutely certain you won’t be following the advice I’m about to give you now. Why? Because although every parenting author will suggest you DON’T compare your baby with anyone else’s, we all do it – however hard we try not to.

Mothers groups

In many ways, mothers’ groups can be a lifeline: they provide other parents to chat to, share tips with, and make friends with. The downside is that, from the word go, you’re secretly comparing your baby with theirs. You discuss things in a neutral way, but inside you’re feeling insecure. How come that baby, born 2 days before yours, is already holding her head up? Why does that child sleep through the night, while yours wakes every 3 hours no matter what you do?

Have confidence in your baby

As the parenting guru Sheila Kitzinger says in her book The Year After Childbirth, the reason we compare our child with others is because we’re suffering from low self-esteem. We’re not experience yet in parenting, an it’s natural to doubt our own abilities. As time goes on, you’ll become more confident in trusting your own instincts. You will worry less about how other people’s children are doing and take your cue about how your own are doing from within yourself, not from what you see around you.

Don’t get into the habit of saying your own child is “a bit slow” or “not as advanced as yours,” because you’ll start believing it and your lack of confidence will eventually filter through to your child.

Try not to let the inevitable business of comparing your baby to others lead you to put your own child down. Remember that everyone needs someone to believe in him, and if you can’t rely on your mother and father to do this, who can you rely on? You don’t need to blind yourself to your child’s faults and failings, but don’t underestimate the importance of your support and loyalty.

The umbilical cord blood storage involves the removal of the plasma and retaining the white blood cells that are essential in the transplantation process. However, the blood cells must be tested and found safe to be used in transplantation prior to proceeding with the umbilical cord blood storage.

There are various methods of cord blood storage. However, the method that is commonly used in the clinical practice is the closed technique, which is comparable to the standard blood storage techniques. With this system, the technician pricks the vein of the cut umbilical cord, using a needle that connected to a blood bag, and cord blood moves through the needle into the bag.
Reasons for Umbilical Cord Blood Storage

There are many reasons for associated to the umbilical cord blood storage. The umbilical cord blood taken during the birthing process can save lives. Umbilical cord blood storage preserves a supply of stem cells to be used by you and other family members should there be any emergency medical complications. The following are the reasons attributable to umbilical cord blood storage.

• The stored blood can be used for the treatment of many diseases such as heart disease, cancer and strokes.
• The immune cells gathered for the purpose of blood storage are very unique for the family and can also be easily transplanted without rebuff.
• Demand for cell tissue donors is high. Patients often have to wait long periods for a match while their condition deteriorates. People who have arranged cord blood banking with a cord blood registry have a ready supply of cells that are genetically matched.
• For that already in treatment for life-threatening illnesses, stem cells from blood cord donation can restore fresh blood where chemotherapy and radiation have killed off healthy cells.
• Cord blood collection is made from the umbilical cord and not from a fetus in development. It isn’t steeped in controversies associated with other techniques of gathering stem cells.
• Cord blood transplants are considered an easier match within families than more conventional bone marrow cell resources.
• Saving your baby’s stem cells gives you and your family the biggest sense of security as well as their future health.
• The umbilical cord blood can be stored for at least 15 years and it will still retain its strength.

Finally, people choose to store cord blood with an eye to the future. At the moment, the technology only allows the stem cells from cord blood to be used for bone marrow transplants. The hope, however, is that medical know-how will continue to move forward, and that the stored cord blood will be used for other purposes in the future. Storing stem cells in the present allows a family to be included if future discoveries are made, and to be part of any future cures that may be found.

What happens in this process is that a prospective adoptive parent will not necessarily be looking for any type of specific child. The parent will instead work with an adoption involving a child that the parent knows and will be handling the adoption through the birth mother. There is no need to work with an adoption agency when this adoption process is used.

The main thing about this process is that it will involve the adoptive parent or parents knowing what they are looking to find in a child. They will know about the child or birth mother beforehand.

It will be important for adoptive parents to hire an attorney when a private adoption is taking place. An attorney that specializes in adoption services will assist the parents with the entire adoption process and will be the representative of the parents. The attorney will work to get the consent of a child’s biological parents to get an adoption to work.

A good attorney will be one that works with the adoption laws that is in one’s state. Each state has its own laws with regards to adoptions. It will help to take a look at this factor because no two states are truly alike when it comes to adoptions.

There are many cases where a private adoption is used. For example, it can work if a child is orphaned or is no longer able to be taken care of. This is especially important because the original parent of the child will be looking to ensure that a new adoptive parent or parents can work to take care of a child.

A good thing about this type of adoption is that it will allow an adopted child to understand who one’s adoptive parents are. This is important because a child should not have to have one’s information hidden with regards to one’s past.

However, the problem with this kind of adoption is that it is one that can cost more for a person to work with. It can cost thousands of dollars to work with the services of an adoption attorney. Also, the court proceedings can take a little longer than that of what would work for a standard type of adoption. This is due to how there are no agencies contacted for the process.

A private adoption can be a useful type of adoption process to see. This process involves adopting a child without the use of an adoption agency and is used when the adoptive parents know who they are looking to deal with. This is something that can be advantageous and can be easily handled. Be sure to watch for the costs associated with an attorney though.

One of the best tactics for dealing with bad behavior is known as “time out.” Basically, preschoolers want to be part of the action – they’re not like older kids, who actually enjoy spending time in their bedrooms on their own. Your preschooler will always want to be where the action and the fun is, so what better way to drive home the message that certain behavior isn’t acceptable than to banish him from the fun, even just for a minute or two?

Just as you may have done when your child was a toddler, you can still use the idea of a time-out chair where your child has to sit, away from the fun, to make clear that his behavior was not okay.

Don’t use time-out as a threat. Mention it only when you’re about to use it, and then pick your child up and take him there. Insist that he sit in the chair – even a minute will make the point.

Preschool fighting

Once your child starts at preschool or day care, you might find yourself worrying about the inevitable fights he’ll get involved in when you’re not around. It’s understandable that you should be concerned, particularly if your little one is going through a stage when sharing seems particularly difficult.

Bear in mind that preschool staff have lots of experience with dealing with the tiffs that break out every few minutes at every session.

Asking for advice

If you’re concerned about fights, why not talk to the staff about how they deal with squabbles and other bad behavior during play sessions? Tell them which tactics you use at home and compare notes. Talking to preschool or day care staff will not only reassure you that they know how to handle your child and the others in their care, but you might also gain some useful tips that you can use at home yourself. If you then use these tactics for coping with bad behavior at home, your child will be receiving the same clear messages from both his teachers and his parents.

Always remember to praise good behavior as well as making clear your disapproval of bad behavior. In fact, one effective tactic is to ignore bad behavior (unless it’s potentially harmful to your child or others), but to lavish praise on good behavior instead.

Separation issues

All children can be apprehensive in a new situation, but some children take longer to gain confidence than others. If your child refuses to let you out of his sight even several weeks into preschool or day care, try to analyze the problem. Is day care or preschool meeting his particular needs? How does he behave when you’re not around? Is he really ready for a preschool?

If the staff tell you that your child is happy enough when you’re not around, you can at least console yourself with the thought that, however difficult the separation, your child will settle down soon after you leave.

If you find that you’re consumed with guilt after leaving your child at day care bawling yet again, arrange to phone the staff half an hour later to find out now your child is doing, and to help put your mind at rest that he’s okay.

Don’t tell your child all about what you did while he was at preschool, or you’ll make him wish he’d stayed with you. Ask him about what he did, who he played with, and so on.

Making the adjustment

If your child still isn’t adjusting to day care or preschool after several weeks, and you’ve followed the staff’s advice on how to help him settle in, think about whether it would be worth taking him out for the rest of the term.

You could then enroll him again next term, either at the same preschool, or at a different one. Don’t just decide preschool isn’t for him and leave it for months. Children have preferences, just as adults do, and it could be that the particular preschool wasn’t right for your child, while another one will be fine.

Preschools often have a group of parents who spend some time helping out. The opportunity to participate on an occasional basis at your child’s group is a welcome chance for you to find out more about how he’s spending his time there, and means that you can talk to your child with more knowledge about what’s gone on during the day in your absence.

Playdates

Going to a friend’s house for a play date is an exciting development in the life of any child. Some children start a social life at a very early age but, for many, invitations to play at others’ homes don’t begin until after they’ve started preschool.

Going to a friend’s house

It’s usually a good idea to wait until your child is well settled into preschool before launching him into the world of playdates. Once he’s happy, however, he’ll love the chance to spend time in other people’s houses, playing with his friends and their toys.

Children often feel a little worried when their mom or dad leaves them at a friend’s house, unless they’ve spent time there before. If your child looks concerned, let him know that his friend’s mother has your phone number and that if he needs you, you can be back within a few minutes. You don’t want him to feel abandoned.

Don’t be late in picking up your child from a friend’s house ­ not only will the other parent have had enough by then, but your own child will pick up the vibe that it’s time for him to be picked up, and he may become anxious.

Explain to your child how long he will be staying at his friend’s house and tell him if he’s staying for lunch or supper. Say you’ll be back to pick him up after the meal so that he knows when to expect you.

It’s my party

Once your child is in preschool, he’s probably ready to have a “real” birthday party. Until now, parties have probably been small affairs.

Parents of children under three in particular, and sometimes under four, almost always stay at a party. But once your child is three or four, most parents will leave their child in your care. My advice about children’s parties is to try not to be too ambitious ­keep it simple.

Don’t invite too many children – six or eight preschoolers are a good number – and don’t arrange for it to go on for too long. A couple of hours is plenty.

Arranging parties

You might want to hire a clown, a magician, or some other form of entertainment – there’s lots of it around ­but my advice would be to wait until your children are older and will appreciate an act more. For younger kids, party games such as duck, duck goose, musical chairs, and some unstructured play time is all you’ll need for a fun afternoon. Enlist the help of at least one other adult – or two, if you have a younger child to keep an eye on as well. Prepare the food in advance so that you have your hands free when the children arrive.

You can put together boxed lunches with sandwiches and cookies. Once the children are sitting on the floor or on the grass in the backyard, you can hand out the boxes. This avoids the need to set up a table beforehand, which can be a waste of time when you have eight 4-year-olds running amok.

And so to “big” school

It doesn’t seem that long ago that you were pushing him around in his stroller and now its time to think about elementary school! Its one of the most important decisions you’ll make as a parent, and certainly one of the most daunting. Which school will be best for your child and how do you actually get him in?

You often hear the phrase “parental choice” in reference to education, but that doesn’t mean that you have an automatic right to select the school you want for your child. What “parental choice” actually means is that you have the right to express your preference ­ that’s all. To find out what your preference is, you need to do your homework. Call your Local Board of Education and ask for a listing of all the schools that they have available – the listing may also give entrance criteria, or you may have to call individual schools to find out how they choose students. Use your local library or the Internet to look for general information about the schools you’re considering.

Comparing schools

Talk to other parents in your area about the schools they’re looking at. Think of your child and his needs. What kind of atmosphere will he thrive in? Some children need a relaxed, social environment, while others do better in a more structured, academic setting. What’s right for one child may be wrong for another. Look at a school’s standards and find out about any extra-curricular activities it may offer. Visiting a school will give you an opportunity to see the place “as it is,” and will give you an idea of how happy and motivated the children are.

Entry requirements

Finding the school you’d like your child to go to is the easy part, but try to keep an open mind instead of setting your heart on one particular school. Every school has a list of entry requirements, and the more closely your child matches the list, the more likely it is that he will get in.

The big day looms. . .

Most schools have open days or afternoons in the summer or early in the fall when children who are going to attend in September can come for an orientation session. If you haven’t been told about one of these, be sure to ask. If there is an event scheduled, try and make every effort to go to it with your child – it really does help to give your child a preview of what the classroom looks like, and how much fun it will be.

Settling in

The transition to elementary school is a huge one for a young child, even if he’s already been attending preschool or day care. One of the big differences is size. Even a small school is a huge new world to a 4-year-old. In the first weeks of a new school, lunch time and play time are often especially traumatic for children. If this is the case with your child, talk to his teacher about it and see what can be done to make life easier. Some schools have a “buddy” system in which each incoming child is paired with a child from an upper grade to give practical and moral support, and this is often extremely helpful.

After the first few weeks, when relatives and neighbors stop dropping by to offer congratulations, the novelty of being home alone with a new baby can wear off rapidly. Mothers who have given up a job or a career may find that what they miss is not their work, but their work environment. They miss social interaction with their friends and colleagues. In particular, they miss the difference between work and home. With a young baby, you do not have the luxury of leaving your work behind.

Many people also find that making the transition from being a couple to being a family can prove more traumatic than they imagine. The dynamics in a relationship need to adapt to a new addition. Problems can arise when a couple finds it difficult to fit another person into the complex equation of human emotions that makes up a relationship.

New Responsibilities

The arrival of a child means that choices become stark: before­hand, for instance, if neither partner wanted to clean the bathroom floor, it could be left until later. But a baby can never be left until later. His needs take priority, and somebody has to take immediate responsibility for meeting them. Time that was previously spent on other things must now be given to the baby.

Ideally these lifestyle changes are shared equally within a partnership, but in practice women very often end up taking on the main burden. Depending on individual expectations, this can lead to deep, resentment within a relationship, causing a couple to move apart after the birth of their baby.

Research has shown that one in every two marriages in the U.S. goes into decline after the birth of the first child. All couples in the study, no matter how well adjusted they were, experienced on average a 20 percent increase in conflict within their marriage during the first year of parenthood. Although conflict can sometimes be healthy, it is often not what at new parents expect.

To reduce the stress placed on a partnership, it is vital that each partner has at least some idea of what to expect and is able to compromise. Having a baby means rearranging your life.

Equal Parenting

Although the role of men in parenting has changed over the last few decades, the attitude that child care is primarily a woman’s responsibility still persists. Ideally, you and your partner should discuss your respective roles before your baby is born. Women should make their partners aware that being a good father doesn’t just mean helping: it means fathering the child as well.

In a recent survey, 74 percent of fathers said they believed that child care should be shared equally. But when asked, “Do you share child care equally with your partner?” 87 percent replied “no”. In other words, almost nine out of ten women will not receive equal help from their partners.

This isn’t just damaging for women, it is also very limiting for men in two ways. First, a father’s relationship with his partner may suffer if she feels resentment at a lack of help and support. Second, if a father doesn’t play an active role in the early months and years of his baby’s life, he may lose the chance to form a close childhood bond with his son or daughter. A detached father will have a negative effect on his child. Girls may have trouble interacting with men and boys will be deprived of a male role model.

Fathering

Many of us remember our fathers seeming more distant and unapproachable than our mothers, but there is no reason why a child cannot enjoy an equally close relationship with both parents. A baby’s relationships do not operate on an either/or basis, and
you should never worry that if a baby spends an equal amount of time with his father, he may love his mother less. All young children need as much love as they can get, and both parents should do their utmost to provide it.

For a father to take on an equal role as a parent, he will have to overcome cultural pressures and perhaps change his own attitudes, too. He will also have to recognize his role as a caregiver rather than just a provider. Some men confuse parenthood with taking care of the bills, because that is what their own fathers did.

Today it may be economic factors that determine who is left holding the baby. If a woman earns more than her partner, or if he is unemployed, many couples can’t afford to let misplaced male pride reduce their weekly income. While the rise of the house-husband has undoubtedly benefited lots of families, it is important to bear in mind that the man left at home with a small child suffers from the same problems as a woman: isolation and boredom.

Grandparents

With the arrival of a first child, grandparents can be supportive or they can be the source of increased tension, especially if family relations are already strained. You will probably find that you see more of your in-laws once your baby is born, and ideally this will contribute to a happier family life.

Sometimes, however, the intimacy and interdependency of family relations means there is a fine line between helpfulness and interference. Ideally, you and your partner will have discussed the role you want grandparents to play. Once both of you have decided how much help you do or don’t want, you will find it easier to establish your authority by setting out the rules in advance.

It is understandable that many grandparents, particularly grandmothers, want to show you how they coped with a crying baby or a disobedient toddler. This advice is usually well-intended and may be welcome. If it isn’t, say so. Point out that it is your baby and that discipline – or any other matter – is therefore your responsibility. If you occasionally make mistakes, they will be your own.

It certainly is worth persevering to overcome problems with parents so your child will be able to reap the benefits of a secure and loving relationship with her grandparents.

A Special Relayionship

A good relationship between a grandparent and grandchild is rewarding for the whole family. Grandparents can offer a more relaxed perspective about your children, parents can rest secure in the knowledge that when grandparents are in attendance their
baby will be well looked after, and a baby can learn to form an important emotional bond beyond her mother and father. Grandparents can form special relationships with their grandchildren for several reasons. First, they see them less frequently than their parents do, which alleviates the strain of day-to-day care. Second, ultimate responsibility for a child rests with her parents. This frees grandparents to enjoy the thrill of parenthood without the accompanying worries and stresses. Third, a grandparent has already brought up at least one child, and problems are always easier to cope with the second time around. Grandparents are also likely to have more quality time to spend with their grandchildren.

As children become young adults with problems of their own, grandparents can offer a broader perspective on the difficulties facing them. A grandparent is likely to be the oldest person your child will ever know as a friend and can give your child an insight into how things were in the past, as well as being a lot more interesting and loving than history books.

Not all families, however, can enjoy the benefits of an extended family. This is particularly true today, as financial pressures force couples to move to where they can find work. Divorce can limit grandparents’ access to their grandchildren. This can be terribly upsetting for grandparents and grandchildren alike, and it helps if a child continues to see her grandparents regularly.

Love and Security

The most basic needs of any young child are physical care and emotional love and security. If a child feels well cared for, she will develop into a more outgoing and relaxed person. A child who is given enough love and security at an early age is likely to become less demanding as she grows older. Conversely, a child who is emotionally neglected may grow up insecure, clingy, and fearful.

It is important that parents not shy away from giving their child adequate love and security for fear of “spoiling” her. Although it is true that a child should not get into the habit of thinking she can have anything she wants, it is even more important that she not get into the habit of thinking she is not loved.

Remember, your child’s way of seeing things is very different from yours. Small and apparently trivial displays of affection (a hug, a pat, a kiss) will do much more to shape the personality of your young child than anything else. It is no good loving your child and trying not to show it, in the mistaken assumption that this will make her a “stronger” person. In fact, the opposite is true.

Affection produces emotional and physical results. For instance, when young babies are held in their mother’s arms, they breathe more slowly, have a steadier respiration, cry less, and sleep more.
This isn’t so surprising, since cuddling takes a child back to the comforting sensation of the uterus when she was warm and secure. Hugging is also the best way of communicating to a young child that you love and care for her. If your child sees her parents hugging each other she will know that, in spite of any arguments you might have, you still love each other.

Even if your child can feel that you love her through your physical affection, it is also important that she hear it. Toddlers especially need to hear that you love them. They have reached the stage where they can tell you that they love you, and they need this affection to be reciprocated. Never be shy about showing your love – It is the most important thing you will ever share.

The first day is the beginning of settling in, and for some children it may be all that’s required. Many children, however, take a little longer – sometimes weeks and even months – to settle into their preschool. The good news is that, however long it seems to take, your child will eventually settle in. Be guided by your own feelings about whether he’s confident and happy enough to be left on his own. If you feel he’s still a little young and shy, be prepared to stick around preschool or day care a little longer than other parents do. If the staff asks you to leave your child, explain that you’d like to remain on the premises, or ask them to call you if he doesn’t settle in.

Learning how to behave

This isn’t a new issue- you’ve probably been dealing with “misbehavior” since your child was 12 months old. Remember that children are still learning about the world, and “bad” behavior is just part of this process.

Young children have lots of ideas of their own and can be determined to get their own way. The other day, my daughter had a friend over to play. After being bossed around for a good part of an hour, the other child decided that she’d had enough and wanted to go home. My daughter refused to accept this. She started hitting the friend and shouting “You’ve got to stay! I want you to stay!” The irony of the situation, the fact that the last thing she was going to achieve by her behavior was to encourage the friend to stay, was lost on her.

Coping with difficult behavior

When your child gets into a fight with his friend, separate the children and try to explain to the aggressor why the tactics aren’t actually going to work. Always comfort the injured party (usually, it’s only their pride that’s been hurt) and give most of your attention to him. Psychologists say we should be wary of giving attention to the child who is behaving badly, because a child may be encouraged to more naughtiness when he or she notices that this type of behavior draws an adult’s attention.

Sharing isn’t something preschoolers learn to do overnight. One of the most vital aspects of preschool education, both formal and home-based, is teaching a child that much of what’s in the world has to be shared with others.

Just a few years ago, almost no one took a baby swimming. Today, most swimming pools have a program of classes and groups aimed at even the youngest customers and their parents. These classes are enormously popular. Just as more and more women are choosing to use water during childbirth, so more parents are choosing to introduce their babies to the joys of water and swimming at an ever-younger age.

Should I take my baby swimming?

Is it a good idea? Well, a lot of claims are made for the long-term benefits of early swimming. A German study found that babies who swim have more advanced motor development, social skills, and intelligence, while a Finnish study found that it helps babies to talk earlier. Swimming instructors often claim that babies who swim regularly tend to sleep more soundly, and that they are less likely than other babies to suffer from colds, sniffles, and even asthma.

The first few times you take your baby swimming, take some of her familiar bath toys along too – they might help her feel at home.

While beneficial effects are all well and good, the most important considerations when thinking about taking your baby swimming are: will she enjoy it and will you enjoy it?

Is it a good idea to start early?

Enthusiasts of baby swimming classes say that the earlier you start taking Your baby to the swimming pool, the better. This is because she’s less likely to develop a fear of water, and also she’ll get used to the techniques taught at the class from ear of early on.

Under the age of 6 months, babies don’t possess the mechanisms for regulating their own temperature; after 6 months they do begin to have it, but you still have to be very careful that they don’t get too cold in the water.

Toddler swimming classes

Parent and toddler classes are usually taught in small groups of five or six parent and baby couples (it is usually mothers, although most classes are more than happy if it’s the dad rather than the mom who goes along).

Often, there’s nursery rhyme singing and children’s music in the background. Lots of the exercises are aimed at getting your toddler used to the idea of being in the water. Some classes involve submerging the baby’s head under the water for a second or two – young babies have what’s called a diving instinct that will automatically kick in when this happens.

Of course, you don’t have to join a formal class to enjoy a trip to the local pool with your baby – although it is often more fun for both of you if you team up with another parent and baby. Try finding a pool with some sort of child care so that you can swim for a while on your own before or after going for a dip with your toddler.

Don’t be surprised if your child loses interest in swimming at around 1 year of age – it’s a common phenomenon. But do continue to take her to the pool from time to time anyway – it may take a year or so, but eventually she’ll start enjoying it again.

Try taking a brightly colored inflatable ball along to the pool with you, to give your baby something to look at and play with in the water. Let her lie on her back, with your hands supporting her, so that she can kick. And when she’s happy to go on her front, glide her through the water so that she gets used to the feel of “swimming” through the pool.

The toddler social circuit

Some toddlers have schedules that make you feel tired just looking at them! Monday it’s music group, Tuesday toddler gym, Wednesday playgroup, Thursday swimming, Friday massage class – not to mention weekends packed with social activities.

Getting the right balance

The truth is, it’s all too much – if it sounds too much for a 30-something mother like me, it’s got to be too much for a tiny tot who still needs daytime naps and is still learning how things work and where she fits into the world.

That, in fact, is the essence – your toddler still has a lot to learn, and almost any situation, properly used, has learning opportunities for her, whether it’s a specially designed activity or not.

Having said that, a baby of 6 or 9 months plus does gain from inclusion in sort of group from time to time. It doesn’t have to be a formal thing – you might just dip into a playgroup of a local church or temple when you can find the time, and that’s as good a start into the world of socializing as anything, and it’s usually inexpensive.

One or two group sessions or classes per week are ample for a child in this age group. Schedule lots of time for one-to-one fun at home or at the park, too.

Your baby’s social life with her caregiver

Babies who are looked after by a caregiver sometimes have the busiest social lives of all. It’s worth taking stock with your caregiver from time to time if you think your child is being taken to too many activities. It’s easy to see why it could happen – unlike you when you’re at home, your nanny or au pair doesn’t have to run the house, so the chance to go out and mix with other people has a big appeal.

Initially, you may be eager to have your caregiver signing your baby up for a lot of activities. But keep in mind that your child needs lots of one-to-one care as well. Try to discourage your nanny from having friends over or going to a group every day of the week – suggest that some days are just for “chilling out” at home.

Make time to be together

Whether you work in or outside of the home, you need time with your toddler, too. It doesn’t have to be time when you’re just sitting around doing nothing – but it should be a time when your life isn’t being ruled by the clock, and when you don’t have lots and lots of other demands pressing in on you all at once.

Playing at home

Some of the happiest times with my current toddler, Miranda, have been the days when we’ve both been lounging around at home while her older sisters were at school. The school day is amazingly short when you’re trying to get things done: you only get around 5 hours before it’s time for the children to come home. I found that it helped to downsize my expectations about what I could achieve in a day. I still usually managed to straighten up the bedrooms, Miranda in tow. And as we wandered around making beds and putting teddies back on their shelves, we had lots of time to sit around reading a book, or singing along with some nursery rhymes on her tape machine.

What shall we do?

Talking to your child, reading with her, and singing to her are the three basic essentials of spending time together. You don’t need lots of equipment or to be part of a group to be able to do this – you just need to have time, and one or two of your child’s favorite books on hand.

Picture books are excellent at this stage. I’ve always particularly enjoyed sharing the kind that have large color photographs of things children are familiar with – a cup, a swing, a television set, and so on. Babies enjoy looking at and recognizing the items pictured. Try repeating the names and talking a bit about the different things on the page – this will help with your baby’s early language development.

Small children love photographs of people they know. Buy a cheap photo album with plastic see-through slots for the pictures, and give your baby her own picture book to fill with photographs.

Outings and expeditions

Going on outings together is another way to have fun. Of course, trips with another parent and child are very rewarding, too. But do reserve some trips for just the two of you, as you’ll find you’re more likely to talk to your baby if you’re alone with her.

There are lots of things you can do out of the house with a baby or toddler. Don’t assume that you have to leave everything until your child is older. Art galleries, for example, can be great at this stage, but the trick is not to be too ambitious. Go to a gallery where you know children are welcomed, and concentrate on looking at just one or two areas. You can plan your trip so that your baby has a sleep while you’re there, giving you some free time to walk around with the stroller.

Make time apart, too

Fun a, your baby is you’ll find your relationship with her is actually strengthened if you manage to spend at least part of the time away from her.

Try to find another mother with a child the same age as yours, who’ll do a child care swap with you for a couple of hours each week.

A baby of 6 months plus is old enough to be left with another mother or caregiver for short periods – you don’t have to invest in formal child care. If you have a regular evening babysitter, it can be a good idea to get her to look after your child occasionally during the day, too. This will help to strengthen the bond between her and your baby and increase your confidence about leaving them when you go out at night.

TYPES OF HOSPITALS

There are different kinds of hospitals, most of which provide maternity care. Without question, teaching hospitals provide the most modern facilities. Here, doctors are always on duty, so if you run into any complications, there will be someone to attend you. And, as a rule, doctors at teaching hospitals are usually more experienced in dealing with complicated births. The smaller community hospitals are rare now, but they do tend to be more friendly and flexible, although midwives still have to follow the same guidelines as midwives in larger hospitals.

VISITING HOSPITALS

If you can, tour one or more hospitals with your partner before making your final choice. Most maternity hospitals give a formal tour, sometimes as part of general prenatal preparation classes, otherwise as part of the general welcome made to mothers signing up. Find out about when these tours take place and ask if you can join one before you make your decision.

GETTING TO KNOW YOUR HOSPITAL

Hospitals can be intimidating, but usually seem less so when you get to know them. Try to visit the hospital of your choice at least once, more if possible, so that you can meet some of the staff who’ll be caring for you. You’ll also have a chance to get the feel of the routine and look at the delivery room and other facilities. The more time you have to walk around, the more familiar you’ll become with the surroundings so you’re more relaxed when the big day comes. It’s best if you and your partner do this together so that you both get to know the place and the people and will feel confident when you are actually there for the birth itself. Remember, though, that security considerations mean that maternity wards are now carefully monitored, so don’t try to visit without an appointment. Any unannounced visitors are likely to be challenged.

It’s a good idea for you and your partner to take a look around the outside of the hospital and find the emergency entrance. Many women go into labor at night, and having to search for the entrance in the dark is the last thing you need.

CHANGING YOUR HOSPITAL

If you do have problems and you find that your hospital is not meeting your expectations, you don’t have to abandon the system altogether. A hospital is there to serve you; healthcare is a consumer issue and you do have the right to refuse certain procedures. If you’re very unhappy with any aspect of the care at your hospital, you can arrange to be transferred to another one. You could also try getting in touch with the head of the clinic or your obstetrician and explain your feelings and what you think is wrong with the clinic. If you find a sympathetic doctor who you
get along with, you may change ‘your mind about leaving, although it’s unlikely that he or she will be there for your delivery. If you do feel you must change hospitals, your obstetrician will probably recommend another doctor at a center of your choice.

BIRTHING ROOMS

Most hospitals should have birthing rooms available. These are non-clinical and more like your own home, with comfortable chairs, low lighting, soft music, piles of cushions, and drinks and snacks on hand.

The whole aim of a birthing room is to help you relax, overcome fears, and relieve tension. A normal routine before the birth makes for a normal delivery, and once you’re in a birthing room you won’t be moved unless there’s an emergency that needs immediate attention. There shouldn’t be any sudden changes in movement, mood, and surroundings. You won’t have to lie down to have your baby, and you don’t need to be surrounded by intimidating equipment. In a birthing room, you can take up whatever position you want for the birth of your baby.

For many women, a birthing room provides the ideal compromise between home and hospital births. It provides surroundings and facilities as similar as possible to those at home, but with emergency expertise on hand and an epidural available if labor pains become overwhelming.

The Third Stage

During the third stage of labor, the placenta becomes detached from the wall of your uterus and is delivered down the birth canal. The large blood vessels running to and from the placenta, which are about the thickness of a pencil, are simply torn across. Despite this, bleeding is rare because the muscle fibers of the uterus are arranged in a crisscross fashion so that when the uterus contracts down, the muscles tighten around the blood vessels and prevent them from bleeding. This is why it’s absolutely essential that your uterus contracts down into a hard ball once the placenta has been expelled. Massaging every now and then for an hour or so after the third stage is complete can help keep your uterus tightly contracted. Normally the third stage lasts about 10-20 minutes.

Delivering The Placenta

Usually your doctor or midwife won’t try to deliver the placenta until there are clear signs that it’s separating from the wall of your uterus and moving downward into your vagina. The signs your attendants will look for are contractions starting up again a few minutes after the birth of your baby, which shows that the placenta is about to separate, and your desire to bear down-this also shows that the placenta has separated from the wall of your uterus and is pressing down on your pelvic floor.

Once these signs have appeared, your doctor or midwife may encourage the delivery of the placenta by pulling gently on the cord, at the same time pressing above the rim of the pelvis to control descent. You may be asked to push. The placenta is expelled from your vagina, followed by the membranes. Rarely, a blood clot will also be expelled.

How you can help It may take up to half an hour before the placenta arrives. You can help speed things up by breastfeeding your baby because the sucking action stimulates your uterus to contract, thereby helping to expel the placenta. If your baby isn’t ready to suck, stimulating your nipples with your fingers can have the same effect.

Delivery The placenta may pass through your vulva in two different ways. In the first, the center of the placenta comes out first, dragging the membranes behind it. In the second, an edge of the placenta presents first, then it slips out of the vulva sideways. Most women want to see the placenta-it’s an amazing organ that’s been the life-support system for your baby for nine months.

After delivery Once the placenta is delivered, medical staff will check it carefully to make sure it’s complete and none of it has been left behind. If any of the placenta has been left in the uterus it can cause hemorrhaging later on, so it must be removed as soon as possible. If there’s any doubt, you may have an ultrasound scan to see whether the uterus is completely empty. The membranes should form a complete bag except for the hole through which your baby has passed. Your midwife will also check the cut end of the cord to make sure that the umbilical blood vessels are normal. After the placenta is delivered, the whole of your vulval outlet will be examined carefully for tears. Anything other than a minute one will be stitched immediately.

After The Placenta Is Delivered

After the uterus is completely empty and the placenta is delivered, Pitocin is usually given by intravenous infusion. The Pitocin helps the uterus contract and reduce the amount of bleeding. Blood runs through sinuses in the uterus, and when the uterus contracts down to a small ball, these sinuses are closed off. If the uterus does not contract well, you will continue to bleed. At At this point your doctor will start an IV (if you don’t have one already) and give you Methergine to control postpartum hemorrhage and help the uterus tone up. If you have high blood pressure, your doctor can give you a prostaglandin, which will have the same effect as Methergine to stop postpartum bleeding.

Oxytocin The hormone oxytocin is naturally produced by your body when you see and touch your baby and put her to your breast. This natural production of oxytocin helps control excessive bleeding and tone the uterus. At the same time, both you and your newborn benefit from close, skin-to-skin contact.

How You Will Feel

You may find yourself shivering and shaking after the placenta is delivered. After delivery of my second child, I was shivering and my teeth were chattering so much that I couldn’t speak or breathe properly. My own explanation for this is that for nine months I had a little furnace inside me, producing quite a lot of heat, and my body had adjusted to take account of the extra heat by turning my own thermostat down slightly. When my baby left my body, I was deprived of that heat and my body temperature probably dropped a few degrees. The only way the body can raise. Its temperature is to generate heat through muscular work. That’s exactly What shivering does-rapid contraction and relaxation of muscles produces body heat. The shivering usually stops in about half an hour, during which time your body temperature is back up to normal and your own thermostat is reset.